Side Effects

Introduction

Are they gone? Yes, maybe I have enough time. I can finally explain myself and what happens behind my eyes. When I was little I could hear others, clear as day. They offered to be my friends, I wanted them to be my friends, for I had none. They told me that they would help me, they promised to guide me through my life if I promised one thing, that I would never leave them behind. As a child I obviously agreed, and why wouldn't I? However my parents were not as accepting of the others. They told me not to talk to them, and said that they weren't real, but they were. I kept my promise and I always talked to the others, they kept me company and I the same for them. I asked where they came from but the question was always dodged. We continued on without issue for many years, until one day my dad decided he had enough.

I was taken to a doctor by my parents, I still don't know where that place was to this day. The doctor asked a few questions to my parents, looked me over and left the room. I didn't understand what was going on but I noticed my mom lightly crying. It was obvious that she was trying to hide it so I didn't say anything, I was used to her crying by that point anyway, especially when dad gets upset. The doctor returned to the room holding  a small piece of paper. He talked with my parents for a short while and then opened the door. Mom called me over to her, and pulled me tightly to her as we left the room. When we got home the others were restless, they were worried what would happen to me, and what I had done to my parents to make them take me to the doctor. I was so confused, the voices of all the others were combining into a loud and almost physical mass. It was making me dizzy and kept getting worse until I eventually shouted at them to stop, and then I fell unconscious. 

I woke up the next day in my bed, my mother laying beside me. She instantly began to smile when my eyes opened however, I could tell she had been crying again. She told me that we were going to do something fun today and I was going to learn how to take a pill. I was always curious about pills and medicine, so I instantly perked up. After a little while through the day, I noticed the others were there but they were only whispering, not to me but to each other. I chose to ignore them in favor of my mom's instruction. She showed me where to place the pill on your tongue and so forth. After a few tries I mastered it, and managed to down the pill she had given me. She said that I had done a good job and we would practice more the next day. I didn't notice it at first but the others had stopped, their whispers no longer in my ears. It was quiet, really quiet and that was scary.

This continued on day after day of our, "practicing," and I no longer heard from the others. I asked my mom if she knew what happened and she suggested that maybe they thought that I no longer needed them. I somewhat agreed because I felt freed from them, for a while. As I got older I realized that what we were doing wasn't practice at all, I was just taking medication, for what I didn't know until I finally asked my parents. They collectively looked to each other, to me and then back to each other until my dad spoke up. He told me that they were worried that the others were going to harm me and they found medication to make them go away. I was horrified, my parents tricked me into something that forced my friends away, the only ones I had. My mother apologized to me and again tried telling me that the others... that my friends were not real. I eventually believed her, and believed my dad that they were dangerous. So I took the medication.

Eleven years later my dad had enough yet again. He tells my mom that he is tired of paying for this medication, and says that it may not even do anything at this point. My mom begged him to think about it but he had made up his mind, no more medication. I wasn't entirely opposed, I was tired of taking it, every single day, but I also didn't know the consequences of stopping. The first day without, nothing happened and I continued on as normal. It wasn't until the second day that I noticed something, when I went to bed it wasn't entirely quiet and I could hear something like a voice. I listened very closely and heard its message, "You broke your promise." I tried ignoring it and going to sleep but it just kept getting louder and louder, pulling me from my sleep and making it impossible to go back.

The next day was much worse, that voice was joined by many more that rampaged in my mind. They taunted me for every little thing I did wrong and proceeded to ridicule everything about me. They continued for years reminding me of things I had done and telling me about things that I will do. They tell me terrible things that I will do, they tell me about how I harm people and how I am useless and destructive. It hurts my mind, but the worst is that they are not wrong. They have never said anything that wasn't fact and almost everything that they said would happen, has happened. I don't know if I became a horrible person because of the others or if the others merely show myself as if a mirror of my soul. Either way, I hate it. I hate myself, but I can't do anything about it. Promises must be kept and I have caused enough damage recently.