Our secret (teacher x student)

(A/N) Let's talk😔

Hey guys.
Sorry this isn't an update.
I just needed to say something about this.
The news about Demi's overdose is everywhere but at the time I had no internet so I found out when I looked on my Snapchat and my friend has texted me about it.
I don't think I can even describe that feeling.
It felt like literally my whole world was just crashing down on top of me.
I knew I loved Demi but I think that really just made me aware of how big of a part of my life she is.
She can literally just make me feel better by hearing her voice when I turn on her music.
I've been severely depressed lately and this was just the last thing I could take.
I feel so alone right now but the one thing I was sure of was that I had Demi.
But she could have died from that.
She is a light in this world and her leaving would literally just leave my life in complete darkness.
Ya know when you're so upset you physically can't even cry.
That was me when I read all the articles, moving from one to another, clinging on to every word it said.
I wasn't crying, I wasn't disappointed, I wasn't anything.
I was completely emotionless.
I felt empty.
I finally cried once I came across some hate comments about it though.
People are saying she deserved it.
Some people are so fucking evil.
They keep saying it's her choice.
It is a mental illness.
They are not fully in control.
I actually didn't sleep at all that night.
I was miserable before the news but now I don't know what I am.
I keep switching to really depressed to competing emotionless.
I'm in such a horrible mental state right now.
My friends aren't as big of lovatics as me so they don't understand.
It's not even just Demi.
I would completely be heart broken either way but the news came at such a bad time.
I'm usually the person who can get out of a bad mood easily so I don't know how to deal with this.
My mind is so toxic right now.
I also have friends who I'm still helping through their issues.
I want to help I really do but how can I tell them to stay strong when I'm not doing that myself.
People always say keep your head up high and put on a smile and I'm trying but I'm not strong enough.
I'm normally very reliable on the people I trust and count on them to comfort me and make me feel better when I'm sad but right now I just want to be alone.
I don't want to talk to any one.
But I also just want someone to be there for me and comfort me.
I in no way blame Demi.
She succeeded the first time and I know she can succeed at getting sober again.
She's a warrior.
It's okay to fall down once in a while as long as you get back up and carry on moving forward.
I haven't planned any of what I'm writing in this.
It's just flowing out of me so sorry if it's all over the place.
I really just needed to get something out here.
I love her so much and sincerely hope she's okay.
#prayfordemi #weloveyoudemi
My mental state aside, I'm still trying to write, despite my toxic mind set.
I'm hoping it may distract me.
I'll take any distractions I can get.
I'm sick of continuously breaking down.
I'll get through this though.
I can't tell Demi to be strong and not be strong myself.
Sorry guys.
I had to get this out.

Jazzy xoxo