A diary of my life but not

Some Stressed Ranting on July 26 at 11:55 pm

So, welp, I'm going into highschool next year (also I'm really confused because I always thought it was one word, but it isn't. I'm still keeping it that way though) and I'm nervous as heck.

It's a really cool school, and brand new too. They had their first class if graduating seniors last school year. The campus is super cool, and it's literally right next to a library.

Sad part is, I just found out that California Parentals can't move until early next year, but I ALREADY FOUND A FREAKIN HOUSE BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE IS/WAS LOOKING. AND MY STEPFATHER IS A REALTOR. IM USING HIS FRICKEN WEBSITE FOR GOODNESS SAKES. GAHHHH!

The house fit basically all of our needs. And it had a guest house, which I claimed. I put dibs. It's mine. But then, when I told my stepfather and mentioned the fact, he was like;

"You mean office for me."

And I got pissed. I literally can't live with them. They force me into going to church (just to clarify, I fully support all religion and whatnot, but don't try to force it on others— especially if tHEY GREW UP WITH IT BEING FORCED DOWN THEIR THROATS, and decide they don't want to continue with it later in their lives) which always gives me a weird feeling every time I go there. And sometimes I'm listening to the pastor and I'm like,

"Okay, I can agree to that." The the fricken twist it into some ridiculous way— again, my opinion— that baffles me and I'm like, this is why I don't agree with you.

Another reason is they make me feel uncomfortable in multiple ways. Not like any perving or molesting ways, like just... I don't know I have to explain it. So, I told them that my friend was bi/bisexual/likes both male and female persons, and my stepfather straight up asked me if I feel uncomfortable, or if I thought it was weird, sharing the same bed with them. Which is like a big punch to my face because, 1. Just because they like the same gender that I am/mostly identify with, doesn't mean they're gonna jump me any second, 2. I've known longer than you have and if I felt uncomfortable I would've already spoken about it to them and accommodated for it, 3. What the fuck is you're problem dude, WE WERE LIKE 12!?!

ARGHHGGGH

Then my mom, step siblings, and I watched "Love, Simon" (I somehow got to watch it without my stepfather being home because I felt uncomfortable watching it with him) and at the end of it she was like,

"I feel bad for what they have to go through." Then she asks us, "are any of you gay?" And my first thought was, we literally just watched a guy get his privilege of coming out get taken away from him, what makes you think that we would answer you truthfully and gET OUR COMING OUT TAKEN AWAY FROM US??!? Like, ha,

Shakes my head, "No. "

Besides sexuality n stuff, my mom likes to think she can help me with homework. Like yeah I get it, Parental stuff, but if you've tried, and I politely decline, and you try to help MULTIPLE more times, I'm just gonna get more irritated. 2 times this school year I've made my mom cry because of an argument starting off of that specific predicament. Then she has the audacity to say that I changed when I was at my dads house for a year.

She had separation anxiety, I think. She flew down every 2 months because she "missed me" and stead for about a month. Like it's totally like I didn't see you for a year mom.

I thought I didn't like hugs unless I'm really feeling it, it turns out, I only like hugging people I feel comfortable with. For example: my father, my friend Jazz, my short time crush Liz, cats, you know. But then there are times where you HAVE to give a hug, like when you're leaving your Parentals friends house and they're "just like family", or an awkward goodbye with your nana (step grandma), you can image the other circumstances. Hugs were another argument topic.

You're a grown ass woman, please have the ability to respect my feelings and uncomfortability (what even are words) with touching and personal space. Yes, I do know I'm more mature than you, but you've had more life experience to practice and develop. (They still force me to hug them "goodnight", by the way).

So, to the one person who read my diary thing— I know you probably won't come back, but comment on what I should write! I'm a bored teen who still has to babysit for the rest of the summer.

Also, I has a Instagram (cringing internally) whateven is the name... uno momento... 

inside_outsider           woo.

I don't know what to do there either.

Welp, see yah! c: :p