A diary of my life but not

Sleepless Morning on August 2 2:58

3.

So it's currently 2:15 am (0215) August 2nd, and I was supposed to be sleeping 5 hours ago.

So of course, me being me, I decide to go on Pinterest, roam around on my insta account, visualize the future, read Webtoon, because all of a sudden it's 12:00 am. Whoops.

I've been trying to go to sleep for two hours. Listening to the quiet, then music, then my mind starts envisioning the future.

So some there's nothin else to do except wait till like 6, or miraculously I start getting tired, imma write a little stuff for those 3 people who read my thingy.

(It's not me this time guys!!)

So ummmm

The beginning of the night started with me going on Pinterest. I wanted to look at some aesthetically appealing people, then that turns into me looking at androgynous people-- because everyone is suuuuuuper perty-- which then turns into me looking for a quiz that will tell me what I identify as, but of course that didn't work so I took some random quizzes like, "How many of these birds do you know?" and "Can you identify these junk food items in black and white?" (Which was super easy because they basically gave you hints in the question), but I stopped after the question was phrased weirdly and I got Bugles mixed with ice cream.

*shrugs le shoulders*

OOF JUST FIGURED OUT I CAN INDENT ON NOTEs

LOOOOOOO

sorry. much excitement. very wowed.

No more wow. It doesn't work correctly. :/

But then I started thing about

clothes n stuff, which then equals me trying to find a style, which then leads to me thinking about my sexuality, and I read a genderfluid thing and I related to it a lot and now I'm even more confused. WELP ME

So the. I started thinking about my future in highschool, then life, and how I might be judged and bullied for how I look or rumors.

Also, excitement, I'm getting my hair cut SHORT in a couple weeks!! My mother won't like it but, I'm following my dad. (It's my hair I can do what I want)Also this is a big mom t for me because my hair is PRETTY long right now (like chest length) and it's going to a more masculine length but femineny style. I'm still open to other cuts and styles. Woo

But yeah bullying equal dramatizations is what my mother will react like if I come out. But it's not like I know what to come out as. Pansexual? Panromantic? Who knows Plus that other world of Demigirl, genderfluid, amdrogynous. You know. But here's a scene I imagined in semi story form...?

Nah

That's for a different time and place.

But anyways,

I'm walking out of the airplane after my flight back to California, I'm the last passenger left. (Unaccompanied minor bitches). My mother gasps in awe.

"You look like a lesbian!" She exclaims, after we check me out at the flight attendant desk.

"Well that's about what I'm going for." I say back to her, in a casual voice.

"What do you mean, that's what you're going for?!" She replies, flabbergasted.

"Mom, I'm pansexual, and I swear if you say it's just a phase..."

"No, it is and I won't except it!"

"Welp I guess you can skipidee doo da the duck out of here because that's not someone I want to associate my life with." I reply moving away from her, incase something rash happens.

"What did you just say to me!" She shouts, gaining the attention of the nearby onlookers.

"You aren't willing to accept me for what I am, and that shows me that you don't care. You didn't even consider talking it through with me or trying to understand!" I take a breath, but instead of continuing, she interrupts,

"It's wron~

This is getting off the course of my dramatized vision because I accidentally started writing like a story. But dr a quick rundown, we get into large argument in airport, of course at least one person has filmed it-- because what else would this generation do?

At some point in time my mother leaves and the I break, I'm crying silently and get out my phone to call someone I know in the area.

This would probably never happen, as I'm too introverted and not outspoken, so if my mother said that to me, I would probably be like, "Well, it's not a problem." or "I just wanted to get rid of my hair." The ladder is what I would most likely go for.

But yeah. Then I kept thinking about the house we probably won't be able to buy. WHY TAX PROBLEMS WHY??!? (I swear to the celestial deity, if it's cause by my moms spending problems and lack of job, I fucking called it).

But yeah.

Any comments? Questions? Someone to talk to, I check Wattpad a very frequent occasional amount of time. So yeah.

Thanks .___. ;p