Just Friends

Chapter 12

Taehyung soundlessly reenters the den where he finds his friends, lounging or standing around amongst idle conversations. Idle is the last word he'd describe his mind right now. Despite his outward composure, he's internally distraught, lost. Failing to deter himself from feeling incredibly frustrated and derailed about his decision he had made, only moments ago, to deny any further confusing possibilities with Jeongguk.

At this point, he's embittered and resentful that he woke up that morning, after the first dream, being thrown into a tiresome game of tug-of-war. Where the ribbon in the middle moves towards him each time he attempts to shut down his rueful thoughts and feelings—approaching his line in the sand where he can fully accept everything that's happened between them as coincidental or misunderstood—Jeongguk yanks back, keeping Taehyung in the game. As much as he wants to ignore it, Taehyung feels like his arms have been pulled off.

Games of the heart are none that Taehyung likes to play.

In fact, they are games he's never played before. He has no idea of the rules or how to strategize against his opponent. Who is his opponent? Himself? Jeongguk? Love? His body? Yes. But seriously, he's not even sure what he gets if he wins. A weary voice in his head begs Taehyung to concede, drop the rope and walk away completely, but is abandoning all this really something he could truly do? Taehyung reminds himself that this isn't just some ordinary crush—not that he's had many of those since his heart practically shut down after his mother got sick. But more than that, this is completely new territory that he has to navigate, complete with life-changing attraction towards a man who has somehow achieved the ability to ignite within Taehyung never before felt feelings. His heart and body are reacting and behaving in ways they've never done before. There is a chance that in some way, he was meant to have that dream. He's not sure he can walk away from that.

He had arrived at a point where, he wasn't sure those feelings were worthy of being considered, regarded those sudden sparks of arousal towards his platonic best friend were part of some bizarre prank his own subconscious was playing on him, but after that kiss on the couch—well, he certainly wouldn't have minded digging his heels in those uncharted sands to keep himself in a position where he could further explore that world. But then again, that was during a time when he thought Jeongguk might have an inkling of shared interest, before he made it clear the next day that it was an accident.

Accident.
Pfft.

After seeing the password protected document with his name on it, Taehyung wonders what the hell is really going on. What could it possibly entail that is so sensitive that it needs to be locked away. He was paranoid before that Jeongguk was somehow in on the pranks Life was throwing at him, but maybe Taehyung should start considering other possibilities. For one, there's a high chance now that anything in regards to Jeongguk can no longer be considered mere coincidences or pranks. Every ounce of doubt he feels about that is met with a contradictory sense of hopeful anticipation.

If he thinks about it, Jeongguk does react differently around Taehyung. It's a well known fact amongst the group, actually. So, is it an accident the way Jeongguk is eyeing him from across the room right now, in the middle of a conversation? Does he always regard Taehyung so carefully like that?

He writes that off immediately. Jeongguk asked him to do a favor, and he's returned with his laptop. Of course he'd have his attention.

But then, there is the incident the other day in the kitchen when Jeongguk stood right behind him to consider. Needlessly pressing his chest against Taehyung's back, teasing him not only with the carrots dangling in his face, but virtually his affections, too. And the awkward, stuttered ways they'd meet in the hallway, and the hot spring? Taehyung knew why it was awkward for himself, could it be the same for Jeongguk?