too many mistakes; lin yanjun

♔014♔

▽▲ ▽▲▽
third person pov

"Let me guess. You didn't break up with him yet," his grey blue eyes looked up at her as she quietly ate her lunch. When she didn't reply, he released a sigh. "You're making it harder for yourself."

"You're not making it easier pressuring me," Scarlett spat, irritated.

She wasn't able to sleep anymore. She had Yanjun's clothes, but they didn't work anymore. Those stupid letters were getting to her. Her nightmares were getting worse and there was nothing she could do about it.

"I'm trying to help you with your business," Andrew claimed, watching her with careful eyes. Scarlett's jaw clenched. She wanted him to shut up so she could eat and also because she didn't want to talk about Yanjun with him.

"No, you're not. You're getting in my business. I know what you're doing. I'm not stupid, Andrew."

"You know," he said leaning forward in his chair, clicking his tongue as he watched her. "I'm not exactly thrilled with your attitude, but it's kind of interesting so I'll let it go."

"Don't expect a thank you because last time I checked you're in my office and you're not my boss so you can screw yourself," Scarlett nearly threw her food at him. If Mr. Qui didn't make her, Scarlett would been long gone. She didn't want to listen to Andrew's talking anymore because half the stuff he said wasn't even about the company.

"Like I said, I'm just trying to help you. Don't need to be so hostile."

"Shut. Up."

"The longer you keep him, the longer it'll hurt. He's going to fall deeper in love with you and when you break his heart, you'll break all of him."

Scarlett glared at him, but she knew it was true. She knew that if she held him any longer it would end up worse than it had to.

Scarlett stared at the ceiling of her bedroom. She hadn't been in the room three whole months and her bed smelt like Yanjun.

Yanjun.

She slept the past two nights without him, those two nights had been the worst of her nightmares/memories since he's slept with her. Still, she was stubborn, but also trying to keep herself away from him, struggling.

Scarlett couldn't even look at or be in the same room as Yanjun. She felt herself gravitating towards him, but she always left the room to create distance between them.

She had planned to break up with him the day they left America, but she couldn't. Instead, she held his hand like she was holding on for life and she kissed him so desperately, burning with passion. She should've let him go already, but she couldn't.

Her heart was taking over and her head was a sea of heartbreaking thoughts. Guilt ate at her.

Yanjun had never hurt her. He had never caused her pain and only ever loved her. Part of her wished she had never gone into his room that night and made him hers, but she loved him.

She wanted Yanjun. She wanted all of him, but what she wanted most was for him to be happy. She wanted him to find someone better than her even if it tore her to pieces. But there she was, laying on her bed still in a relationship with him, still hurting him, keeping him to herself. She was holding him back just like Andrew said. She was drowning, pulling him down with her.

I need to let him go, but I want to hold onto him.

Scarlett let out an exasperated sigh as she sat up on her bed, raking a hand through her hair. She pushed off her bed and fixed her clothes before making her way to her door. Her eyes looked over the room before pulling open her door.

"What the fuck..."