Secrets

three

The sound of 'I Want It That Way' by the Backstreet Boys rings through Arthur's bedroom. 

He soon wakes up and turns off his alarm, laying back down and enjoying the usual silence of Friday morning; Zosia starts at 8am on Fridays, Carmen works the same shifts so she's not in either and Arthur only starts at 10am.

Eventually he gets up out of bed in his geeky looking pyjamas and heads for the bathroom.

A fully dressed and ready Dr Digby walks back to his bedroom after breakfast to pick up his watch.

A muffled sound of what seems like movement comes from Zosia's room, so he cautiously sticks his head round her door.

"Zosia" he whispers, covering the fact he's deeply shocked that she's still in bed. 

No response.

He grimaces in fear and frustration before knocking on her door... That doesn't work either.

"Zosia!" he says loudly.

Her eyes snap open as her body tenses and her heart pounds as if she'd just been running for miles.

"What?! What time is it?" she snaps, trying her best to look unfazed as always.

"It's half past nine... Shouldn't you be at work?" he asks, and it looks like Zosia sinks even further into her bed.

"Where's Carmen?" she questions.

"Uh, at work, probably asking people the same about you.." he answers. She sighs.

"Oh for god sake" she says under her breath, rolling her eyes. "I don't want to get up" she says. "What's your dad going to say?" he questions, annoyingly.

"Oh Mr Self." she says, her glare intimidating him. "He probably won't even notice" she says. 

"Yes he will, and I'll have to do extra work all day" he replies.

"Is that all you care about?" she snaps.

"Oh, god - no!" he says, panicked.

"Well it sure seems like it!" she exclaims, sitting up and swinging her legs out of bed. She runs her hand through her hair and looks up at Arthur waiting for him to say something.

"I-" he starts, he is suddenly unable to carry on as Zosia stands up and all she's wearing is a bra and a thong. "Oh, wow um-" he says awkwardly, looking away.

"Get over it" she snaps, picking up her white robe from the floor and angrily pulling it on.

"Sorry I um, I think you should get ready" he says.

She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm fine" she lies. "Now go before you're late as well!" she says, not looking directly at him. 

"Okay, if people ask where you are, which they will, I'll tell them you're on your way, okay?" he says.

"Okay." she says, watching him awkwardly leave the room.

She holds her face i her hands until she hears the front door open and close as Arthur leaves. 

Zosia takes her hands away, opens her eyes and faces the mirror. Big mistake. She takes a sharp intake of breath through her nose as she sets sight on herself.

"Oh my god" she whispers so quietly to herself it's almost in audible. 

Her eyes scan her body and her face , before switching from her body to her own eyes back and forth very quickly. Her breathing speeds up before she tugs open her bottom drawer of her bedside table.

Her eyes meet all the food she has stashed inside. Chocolate bar after chocolate bar, huge ones and small ones, all waiting to be eaten.

Zosia viciously rips open the wrapper of one of the bigger bars, eating it extremely quickly before moving on to the next.

After she's finished with the chocolate she hurries to the kitchen, flinging open the cupboard she usually avoids. She bought a chocolate cake three days ago, it wasn't meant for this.

She delicately brings the cake down from the cupboard and slowly takes it out of its box.

She stares at it for a while. The glossy chocolate ganache smothered all over, with various pieces of chocolate on top and chocolate butter cream spilling out the sides, all hiding the chocolate chips that she knows lay underneath, inside the sponge. This is certainly not her first time.

She looks at her right hand, then at the cake; before she knows it she's putting a fistful of cake into her mouth, one after the other, her mouth completely full she's on the verge of choking.

The cake paints her shaking hands with ugly brown patterns that she can't wait to get rid of; so she pours herself a glass of milk, and a glass of warm water and drinks them as quickly as she can, one after the other, before running to the bathroom.

She stands in front of the toilet, shoves two fingers down her throat and bends over as she gags. Her eyes bulge and she tries not to cough as she keeps trying and trying. Finally, she's able to make herself sick. She grimaces; chocolate always burns.

Once again Zosia looks in the mirror, her eyes bloodshot and red, her cheeks puffy from the sour acid from her now expectant stomach and her hair still a complete mess. She flushes the toilet and washes her hands before rinsing her mouth out with cold water.

She sighs for what feels like the millionth time today already, before pulling herself together and getting ready.

~

By 11am, a breathless Zosia rushes into the ward.

"Nice of you to come to work today" Carmen jokes as soon as she sees her.

"Well I thought it'd be nice for me to have a lie in for once" Zosia replies, acting as if nothing happened and she is unfazed. She gets her breath back.

Carmen's face tells Zosia that she is either confused or amused... Or both.

"Well, what have I missed?" Zosia asked.

"W-" Carmen starts.

"Zosia! Finally. Um, there's a patient for you in bed two, Miss Delaney" he interrupts, putting files in Zosia's arms.

Carmen can't help but giggle at the look on Zosia's face, which she then gives to Carmen, but Carmen doesn't mind.

She thinks Zosia is endearing...