Secrets

seven

Zosia's eyes snap open as her alarm starts to ring. She lays on her back with the duvet only half covering her; she notices she's holding someone's hand... Carmen's. Quickly, she snatches her hand away and sits bolt upright.

"Good morning" Carmen says awkwardly, a long few seconds later.

"Good morning..." Zosia replies.

"Headache?" Carmen asks.

"Mm, yeah" she replies, anxiety rising inside of her in case Carmen doesn't even remember last night. 

"Hungover but not regretful I hope?" Carmen asks, having a not quite one hundred percent but good enough memory of last nights antics.

"No, not regretful..." she answers quickly, wanting to ask the same in return.

"Neither am I, phew! That could've been really awkward!" Carmen says with a little giggle, lightening the atmosphere.

"Right" she says, taking a deep breath; secretly pleased and relieved.

"Anyway" Carmen says, directing conversation elsewhere. "I've got to go shopping today, I have a whole long list of stuff I need to get; you wanna come? Although you'd probably have to spend hours in clothes shops with me and help me choose outfits.." Carmen says, too tired to sit up just yet. 

"Um.." Zosia tries to think of a valid reason not to go. "I don't think I-" she says slowly, her hand tracing over her stomach under the heavy duvet. "I can't" she decided out loud. She's having a fat day; they're frequent.

Carmen looks at her quizzically.

"I'm hungover !" Zosia exclaims, which is the truth.

"Ah okay, you sure that's all?" Carmen asks.

"Of course! Going shopping with you sounds delightful" sarcasm strong in her voice.

"Hey!" Carmen exclaims. "I don't always need to spend so long in clothes shops okay, I just need more clothes right now..." She adds, with a small smile.

"Yeah yeah, whatever" Zosia says, jokingly sighing and rolling her eyes.

Carmen laughs quietly, making Zosia smile. 

Zosia is alone.

She tidies the house from top to bottom but the racing thoughts in her head just won't stop. They won't stop tormenting her, not even for just one tiny second. 

Rushing, she grabs the key that she hides in her bedroom and breathlessly speed walks straight to the cupboard in the kitchen that everyone is convinced you just can't get into. But it's her secret, a secret cupboard; one of her many secrets. Like a whirlwind, she forces the key in the lock on her cupboard, yanks it open and pulls everything out. Food, lots of food. From chocolate to bread, sweets to biscuits, peanut butter, chocolate spread, cake and crisps. This is clearly something she restocks regularly. She orders food sometimes too, usually pizza or burgers.

She eats as much as she physically can, picking up chunks of cake with her fist, jamming it clumsily into her mouth, filling her mouth with chocolate, almost choking herself, before downing a glass of warm water, and calmly approaching the bathroom.

Standing in front of the toilet, she puts two fingers in her mouth, pushing them further and further back slowly, then sticks them as far back as possible until she gags. Gagging, she bends over and uses her spare hand to hold back her hair whilst she keeps up the attempts, ignoring the coughing and spluttering and bulging watery eyes and focusing on getting all those disgusting needy calories to leap out of her mouth. 

After, she waits a while. Usually sitting on the bathroom floor, crying, having a panic attack maybe. Then she proceeds to clean her teeth, and attempts to go back to reality.

"Can you believe it, I left my purse in my other bag!" Carmen calls as she bursts through the front door.

Zosia slaps her hand to her chest like she might have to catch it as if it might beat right out of her. She stands up immediately, her mind trying to remember if she's left any evidence anywhere of her binge. 

"Zosia?" Carmen calls again, approaching her bedroom, which is next to the bathroom. "Zosh??!" she repeats. "Can you believe it!" she exclaims.

"What?" Zosia questions as Carmen enters the bathroom and finds her.

"I just said, I forgot my purse; I left it in my other bag" Carmen says, before wondering why Zosia is stood in the bathroom doing seemingly nothing.

"Worst hangover ever, sorry" Zosia lies, thinking that Carmen is suspecting.

"Oh no, have you been sick or something?" she asks.

"Mm" Zosia mumbles.

"Oh dear! I'll stay home" she decides.

"No no, you can go" Zosia says.

"I'm staying!" she insists. "I can't leave you here alone like a hungover mess now can I?" she adds, with a little smile.

"Whatever" Zosia replies, managing a smile herself.

"How do you feel now?" she asks.

"Fine" Zosia replies, unsure of a truthful answer.

"Right you need to rest today, put your pyjamas back on and sit on the sofa; I'll bring your duvet and pillows and I'll keep bringing you lots of water and painkillers and whatever else you would like. Okay?" she says.

"But I-" Zosia starts.

"Oh no you don't! Come on, quickly now" she says with a big smile.

Zosia sighs and smiles slightly.

"Fine" Zosia says, rolling her eyes, folding her arms and pushing past Carmen to do as she has been told.

~

"You took your time!" Carmen says, already waiting for Zosia in the living room.

"This is a bit over the top for a hangover!" Zosia says, her eyes falling to the sofa, a duvet on the seat and one folded up at the end of the sofa for her to put over her, pillows at one end and a jug full of a water on the side tables, with a glass already full. 

"No it's not! Sit down" she says, grinning. 

Zosia raises her eyebrows.

"Don't you raise your eyebrows at me!" she says. "Please come and sit down, I want you to feel better" she says sincerely.

Zosia rolls her eyes but smiles and sits down.

"Happy now?" Zosia says, smirking.

"Yes, actually." she replies, smiling. "Can I get you anything?" she asks.

"This is better treatment than patients get at work! Anyway, hmm... Might want to write this down" Zosia teases.

"Seriously??" she asks, not realizing she's joking.

"I was joking. You can get me Nurse Fickle though ..?" Zosia grins.

"Sorry, I don't think she's here at the moment" she teases.

"Well can you tell her she needs to come cuddle with me right now else I'm going to slit her throat" Zosia says with a big smile, before giggling. She bites her lip.

"Well it seems you're feeling better already doesn't it" she says, smiling. 

~

After also changing into pyjamas, Carmen joins Zosia on the sofa.

"Finally!" Zosia teases. 

"Cute pyjamas" they both say in unison, before both giggling. "Thank you" they say together again. "Stop it" said together once again whilst laughing.

"Gosh" Zosia says, composing herself.

"Quite" Carmen says, eyes sparkling.

"Carmen.." Zosia says, looking innocently into Carmen's eyes.

"Yes..?" she says.

"Can we cuddle? I'm cold." Zosia says, pouting a little.

"Of course, anything to make you feel good" she says, making Zosia giggle...