Dear Alexander,
I've written that one line a countless number of times. What am I even supposed to say? I keep running it through my head but I just can't think of anything to say. He doesn't deserve an explanation of why I suddenly decided to leave and fly home, but I'm going to give him one anyways.
After I opened Jackie's message, I threw Alexander out and started packing. Now, only 24 hours later, I'm sitting here in the Minnesota airport.
I press the pen down to the notebook paper again but bring it back up, rubbing the bridge of my nose. A strong headache is starting to appear but I choose to ignore it.
My cell phone starts to ring and I see that it is my sister. I bring it up to my ear. "Hello?"
"Hey, what time are you landing?" Madeline's voice calls. I haven't talked to her in forever.
I check the big clock on the wall. "Around 3."
"Good." She says. "I'll be there to pick you up. Mom's on a trip with Dad. Nobody expected you to be home for a few more days."
"Yeah neither did I." I mumble.
"You need to tell me what's going on as soon as you get back, understand?" she asks. I nod my head even though she can't see me. I'm glad that I can talk to Madeline about anything.
"I know." I answer. "Hey, we're about to board. I'll see you when I land."
"Alright. Bye Isabelle." Madeline say before hanging up. I gathers bags and walk to board the plane.
I hand my ticket to the lady behind the counter and walk down the jetway. I have to struggle to put my bags in the overhead compartment.
"Need some help?" the familiar voice says beside me. I turn my head and the brown eyes light up, a grin forming across his face.
I really don't want to talk right now. I just need to get away from everyone. I manage to get my bags up and shake my head at Ian, plopping down in my seat. Ian sits beside me. Really?
"Cool that we got a seat next to each other, right?" he asks with a smile. I nod my head even though I'm lying.
He laughs. "I'm just kidding. I sit back there. I guess that I'll talk to you later."
"Yeah." I say. He smiles before walking back to his seat. I pull out my pen and piece of paper. I really need to write this for Alexander. I never plan on seeing him again, so this is the only way.
Dear Alexander,
"Miss, all tray tables must be up while the plane is still on the ground." A flight attendant's perky voice tells me. I take my paper away and push the table up.
Since I'm not going to be able to write for a while, I put my earbuds in to listen to music. The plane starts pulling out of the gate and gets on the runway for takeoff.
When the plane leaves the ground, I have to wait until we level out to put the table back down. We do, and I get out my letter to write again. A flight attendant comes by and hands me a glass of water. I thank her, a few droplets from the water soaking into the paper. The ink from the pen bleeds through when it does. I guess I need to let it dry before I start writing.
I absorb myself into the music and listen to a few songs. I pull up a blanket and wrap up with it and eventually drift off to sleep. When the pilot says over the intercom that we have 20 minutes until arrival, I perk up.
Shit. I need to finish that note.
I adjust my pen on the paper and start to write. My hands shake as I do.
Dear Alexander,
I'm sorry that I'm writing this instead of telling you in person. I just can't bring myself to even see you face to face anymore. I could barely stand to write your name on this piece of paper. It only makes me break inside. But you deserved an explanation. Although you should already know what you did unless you were too drunk. You lied to me yet again. You said you were done with Leven and that you cared for me and only me. You lied. All of the times that you told me you loved me was just a lie. I should never believe a word that comes out of your mouth. Don't bother writing back and don't ever try to come see me or talk to me. I don't want to. I said I couldn't hate you, and I do. But I also love you. I love you so much it's almost unbelievable. Do you even know what it's like to love someone when all they've done is hurt you? I had fun spending time with you. I loved all of those times that we had. Remember when we went camping with the cast? I do. When we were camping, I saw a shooting star and you know what I wished for? I wished that life would be perfect for once in my life. My wish came true. For once, that time that I loved you and knew you loved me, that was perfect. That's all I wanted and all I'm ever going to want. I'm never going to love someone as much as I love you. And do you remember when my ankle was broken? You carried me everywhere. Everywhere. I felt like a little kid. And that was a good thing, you know? I never cared when I was with you. You made me feel like everything was always going to be perfect. Well, it's not now, is it? You remind me of all the good times, but you also remind me of the bad. You cheated. You lied. I can never forgive you because of that. Never. And because of that, you're a scar. I can picture you reading this and saying, "What the hell does she mean a scar?". Well I mean just that: you are a scar now. Scars are those rare things that never go away. They may fade over time or become dull, but they never fully go away. They become one of those things that every time you look at them, the memories and pain that caused it all come back. People only associate them with pain. As much as it hurts me to say, you've become nothing but a scar to me. But hell, I had a great time before I got hurt. And I hope you did too. I hope you realize that it can never be the same. Maybe way in the future, we have a shot at being friends. I can't picture us being anything more. Right now, I can't even picture us being friends. But I love you. Deep inside, I know you love me too. I understand what you mean when you say that we can't be together, but I wish you didn't do it like that. You made a mistake. You're only human. I'm never going to love someone as much as you. You're always going to be in the back of my mind, reminding me exactly what love is. And for this, Alexander, I thank you for these scars. These scars are a part of me. You're a part of me. Never forget that.
-Isabelle
YOU ARE READING
These Scars
Fanfiction"Scars are those rare things that never go away. They may fade over time or become dull, but they never fully go away. They become one of those things that every time you look at them, the memories and pain that caused it all come back. People only...
