Archer's Paradox | Slow updates

Chapter Ten

In this moment I'm in such a depression that all things dangerous have been taken away from me.

Josh took me to the hospital and the doctor prescribed antidepressants so here I am, drinking two tablets for my anxiety and depression.

I'm sitting in my bed a week after Christmas, trying to work out why I'm so depressed. The doctor said it has something to do with the festiveness and missing my parents and being happy so quickly after not feeling anything and yada yada yada.

I'm also told it's normal for captives to get depression after being freed because they feel haunted. Well I sure feel haunted. A month and a half and I'm still getting nightmares and attacks. A knock on my door brings me back to reality and I pull the covers up under my chin.

"Come in." I probably look like hell and my hair is messy. Noah's face comes into view and I sigh. "I don't want you to see me like this."

I don't look at him.

"I just want to sit here and offer you ice cream or popcorn. You know, make you fat and cry with you." I can hear the smile in his voice and it makes me feel slightly better. Josh must've told him about the episode.

"I've never had ice cream or popcorn." My voice seems small and the door clicks shut. That's it. I drove him away. Fucking great, Layla. Tears well up in my eyes and I'm about to pick up my phone to call him when the door flies open again and I almost drop it. My hand flies to my chest while Noah and Josh carry bowls and a tub into the room. They put it on a table next to my bed while I look at them with a frown etched on my face.

"Time to treat my girl. Thanks Josh." Josh nods and leaves the room while Noah makes himself comfortable in my bed.

"What are you doing?" I ask curiously. "I am feeding you fat and crying with you." He answers simply with that stupid smirk on his lips and takes a bowl from the table.

"Open." He holds a small white thing in front of my mouth and I reluctantly do as he says. He pops it into my mouth. It's actually kind of good and salty. "I like it."

I don't sound like I like it.

"That's popcorn." He laughs and kisses my cheek. "I like you." My face heats up and I take a few more pieces of popcorn to hide my blush. Still no sign of the depression lifting but with Noah, I feel like I can take a day off without having to worry about explaining it to others. The bottles of tablets are staring at me from the table so I glance at Noah before taking the anxiety tablets. Then Noah's head turns to me. My mind races and my heart goes beating out of my chest. He sees it. He's figuring it out.

"LEAVE." My mouth opens before I can register anything. "Wait, Layla. What's wro-" "Please go." Tears stream down my face until my top is wet but Noah stays.

Can he just leave?

He pulls me into his arms and I try to resist. I try to claw his arm off me when he takes the bottle out of my other hand just as I try to unscrew it. By now I'm sobbing and it's so loud, it rips through my chest. "Give." I demand but he ignores me completely, just pulls me closer into his chest. Angry red scratches decorate his arm and he looks at the label.

"Valium? Why are you taking Diazepam?" His frown drops. "Oh my gosh, Layla. You have anxiety. I should've seen it. I'm so sorry." I stare emotionless at his mouth as he rambles. He has a perfect mouth. His face is so perfect. His eyes are so perfect. So blue and so ...

"Layla, are you ok?" His eyes hold concern and I burst into tears. "I didn't want ... you ... to ... see ... this!" I try to hide my face and wail but strong arms hold me close. I feel like collapsing if it weren't for Noah holding me. He strokes my hair and my back as I cry out every bit of pain and anxiety before I still completely and just go limp in his arms.

He's trying to make it better and I appreciate it so much. The way he just stays by my side even if I'm having a panic attack, it warms my heart. He makes me happy even when I feel like dying.

What a cliché line that was.

I'm still fully conscious as Noah lays me down on the bed to look at me. His eyes search mine and when a stray tear escapes, he wipes it away with his thumb. I don't know for how long we stayed like that until my voice breaks the silence. "I have anxiety and I never meant for you to see me like this." I say and Noah smiles as his hand strokes the side of my face.

"It's ok, Lay. It's really ok. I saw something pulling at you and I got scared when you passed out but now that I know, I can help. Don't hurt yourself over this." His voice is a whisper at the end and I try to smile but it fails and looks lopsided. Noah laughs and leans in to kiss me. I kiss back and he pulls away after a moment to look at me.

"You are gorgeous."

He kisses my forehead and makes himself comfortable again until we fall asleep with the bottle of Valium wedged between us and our limbs tangled together in unity.

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"No, no, please don't." I try to plead with Noah but he doesn't listen and drags me halfway across a park. "I wanna," he laughs as he plops me down on a swing. "I wanna show you something." I look at him with pleading eyes and a fake pout. "I wanna go home and watch Deadpool or something." I pout as he looks at me while laughing and takes my hand. "I have to show you." "Ok."

Right then he pulls up his sleeve. A thick scar runs from his wrist about an inch long, something I've never noticed. I look at him with wide eyes and he smiles sadly. "I am also dealing with some things."

He has this far away look in his eyes as he speaks. "Did this when I was 15, I was tired of being perfect and I got worse and worse every day right until my mom left my dad. My whole world fell apart and I guess I just lost it." We lace fingers and I give his a squeeze. He takes a deep breath.

"I was rushed to the ER and I wouldn't stop bleeding. I also drink antidepressants because some days I need them and Ativan when I get nervous, which is a lot around you," he laughs a little and looks down at our hands.

It fits perfectly into mine and that just sounded so cliché. "So yeah. That's uh, that's me." He seems nervous now, like I'll walk away and scream bloody murder for him to leave me alone. Instead I go sit on his lap and take his face in my hands.

"I think your scars are beautiful. I have scars from being hit. I guess you noticed them Christmas." We laugh lightly and I take his arm, pressing my lips gently to his scar. It feels funny under my touch and I look up at Noah. His eyes are brimmed with tears and I try my best to catch them. Seeing him this vulnerable makes me feel like the strongest woman alive. He knows the pain, he knows the sickness of trying, he knows the crap of taking pill after pill just to be normal.

Noah is like my guardian angel, he knows who I am. We sit on the swing until the cold grabs at us and then we make our way home.

I lay in my bed that night, thinking about Noah's confession. It must've been so hard for him. I know I felt awful when Noah saw my tablets so much that I wanted to die of embarrassment because of them. He must've felt ten times worse. And I'll be forever grateful that he told me.

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Wattpad insists we all leave author's notes and ask that you please comment and vote. I recently began doing that. Ha, I'm a terrible person for taking forever to update. I read and then grab inspiration from other books.

Fave series : Badboy and me series from tayxwriter

Noah and Drayton have physical resemblances but they are too different people. Cody Christian came to mind when I started  this and I absolutely love his face 😍 Inspired by above mentioned series. Though, I'm terrible at this. It's been 4 years. I'm out of practice.

If you see typos just let me know. I'm an A grade speller and hate not knowing how to spell a word.

Much love

Tracy xx

Edit : I just found out Linden is an actual place 😂 in California and is like 600 km from San Francisco, and it's inland ... I named it after Linden in Pretoria, South Africa. So uhh .. just imagine it at the coast 😂