The Summer of My Life

16.

I don't own Sherlock Holmes or Youtube, and the fact that I'm writing on here is proof, because let's face it, I would have better things to do.

I've realized this story is a bit cliche uhm yeah but enjoy :)

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I really had no motivation to do anything the rest of that summer. Nothing seemed exciting anymore. When Becca did get me to crawl out of my den, we didn't do anything. Sat there. Talked about nothing. Ate cereal. Once again, I have to give Becca tons of credit for putting up with me. I just didn't want to be happy and cheerful. Volleyball was the only place I left my room for besides Becca. When my parents asked me what was the matter, I would brush them of, insisting it was nothing. I'm not sure they believed me, but they left me alone regardless.

You'd think I'd get bored, stuck in my stuffy room all day, not even coming out to eat. To be honest, I thought so too, trusted that it would eventually bring me out of my room. I lost weight, only eating when my parents forced me to. Unfortunately for everyone, I discovered the whole entire first season of Sherlock Holmes on this Youtube account, and wanted to watch them before they got taken down for copyright reasons. My days went like this:

Wake up, start where I left off on shows, hoping I finish before they get taken down, get forced to to eat, eat a little, chew through my lip absentmindedly until it was gone while watching several more episodes, get forced to eat again, fight about it, setlle for eating a bite and drinking something, watching more episodes until I fell asleep. During this time period, I didn't even let Becca bother me. To be honest, I really did want to know what happened. Why Benedict liked it. I wanted a sliver of Benedict with me.

Benedict.

I stared at the small phone screen that was playing out scenes, when I realized I could actually talk to Benedict. Call me stupid, I already know it.

For some strange reason, I didn't want to call him. Not just yet. After this episode maybe. What did I really have to say? Hi, I miss you, I stole your favorite show and I am currently watching it and starving myself and chewing a hole through my lip because you stole my life instead of my favorite show? Nope. Not exactly something you say to someone for positive attention. Make conversation about his mom? Of SH? Of how I wasn't a fangirl, but I was totally starting to ship Johnlock more than anyone possibly could and how I would die if they didn't get together in future episodes? None of the conversations that rolled through my head would be acceptable, so I thought it best to keep my mouth shut. Besides, if he wanted to talk to me, he would call first. Which he hadn't. Why any different now? Pointless, how stupid I probably look, chasing after a boy who has no interest in me whatsoever. I sigh, rewinding to the where I had been before I was lost in my own selfishness, yet still not being able to concentrate on the action. I had the urge to call him, the urge so strong, it was like I was being demonically posessed, getting pushed to call him. More than half of me said call him call him call him but the remaining bout said don't even think about it. There was literal ringing in my ears over an event this little. How was I supposed to choose what job I wanted to do for the rest of my life if I couldn't even make up my mind about a phone call? Ridiculous, I tell myself, but the ringing doesn't stop. I try earbuds, but then I can't concentrate on the actual thing I'm watching. By the time I get to the next episode, I'm so confused as to what's happening that I have to watch the previous episode four more times to get a vague idea.

Well, I've wasted precious time on that. We'll see how far I get.

"Might as well take some more time to call Benedict."

Before I could completely process what I had just said aloud, I had hit the call button. It rings once, twice, and I feel dread gathering in the pit of my stomach. Three, four times. What if he doesn't care about me at all? Five, six. Maybe he's choosing to ignore me on purpose. It continues to ring, more negative thoughts joining the older ones. Maybe his mom is not okay right now, and he needs time with her alone. Maybe his phone is dead. The voicemail comes on, and my heart drops to my stomach.

Maybe he doesn't want me in his life anymore.