TELL ME MORE

"Hi"
"Hi "
"Oh? kamusta na?"
"Okay lang, ikaw?"
"Okay lang din.... kayo? kamusta kayo?
"What? sinong *kayo*?"
"Sus!"

Hindi narin naman bago sakin yung ganitong mga sinsabi niya, kahit noon palang nagtatanong at naghihinala na siya ng mga bagay na hindi naman niya kayang patunayan.

Of all things... siya pa tong nagdududa kahit siya tong kaduda-duda. I wonder how easy for some people to cheat. They don't even care kung may nasasaktan sila at may naagrabyado.

Sa muli naming pag kikita parang bumabalik yung mga ala-ala ng nakaraan. Mga ala-alang masaya at masakit.. pero mas nananaig ang SAKIT sa kasalukuyan.

"Ano bang sinasabi mong *kayo?* KAMI? nino? kami ng mga kaibigan ko? o ng family ko?"

Alam ko... Alam ko kung anong ibig niyang sabihin. He used to ask me like that kind of question na para bang ang gusto niyang marinig ay "OO" ... "oo" meron naakong iba... "Oo" hindi na kita mahal. He used to do that para mapa-amin ako sa mga bagay na? I HAVE NEVER DONE.

"Alam ko naman na... kahit hindi mo sabihin..."

WHAT? what more I can tell? I have told him everything.

Lahat na ata alam niya na.... even up to my dark side. Siya lang... siya lang yung marami pang hindi sinasabi sa'kin na para bang kaylangan kung gugulin yung buong oras ko just to think what his thought was. what he had been doing when he wasn't texting or even calling for a week. Who he had been with whenever I saw a solo picture of him a week after we weren't see each other.

"...I can understand.... Kaya kung tanggapin"

Yes! definetely he was. That is what I am thankful for. He accepted me when he knew my dark side and even my weaknesses. I know he loved me then, but, what happen?

I heared rumors and gossips from other people about him and they even told in front of me not to choose him, and leave him now.

but still, I didn't leave him, though I was able to see his true colors, I was able to see his dark side.. I was able to see how liar he was, I was able to know how he had cheated his girls before (was hoping he would not do the same thing to me) and how unfair he was.

I had been hoping that he would change. He even lied to me but, I tried to pretend that I didn't know anything.

sabi nga nila... WHAT YOU KNOW WILL HURT YOU!

Tama bang wag mu nalang alamin? kasi masasaktan ka lang? o Subukan mong alamin para yung sakit ngayon lang, at baka bukas wala na.

"Wala akong iba. Baka ikaw? meron na."

Hanggang kaylan ka mag pepretend na wala kang alam? Hanggang kaylan ka mananahimik? pag nakita mo na niloloko kana ng harap harapan? Hanggang kaylan mo ititikom yung bibig mo para sabihin ang totoo?

I doubt. I am afraid. Natatakot ako noon na magsalita, at magtanong... kasi baka iwanan niya ako.... baka masaktan ako... like what he did to his EX GFs. I know he knew how much I needed him in my life, that I couldn't almost live without him, and he was almost my source of everything.

"Ako? tsss. wala akong iba"

For.... hmmm... Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses na siya nag sinungaling skn... for how many lies he has made, this one is the hardest lie that I can't hold even my tears. Tears runs through my face. Ramdam ko yung sarili kung pamumula. Siguro... ganito talaga yung feeling na MAY ALAM KANA.. NA.. ALAM MO NA YUNG TOTOO... PERO HARAP HARAPAN KA PARIN NIYANG NILOLOKO.

"Talaga? bakit hindi mo na ako tinitext? di kana tumatawag?"

"Busy ako, nag aasikaso ako ng mga papers at kaylangan kung mag pamedical noon kaya hindi ako pwedeng bumyahe at umalis ng umalis"

"I understand.. pero kahit isang tuldok? di mo kinayang mag send?"

"Hindi ko na nahahawakan phone ko sa sobrang busy"

"Tell me!! mahirap bang kahit tuldok lang isend m skn.. just for me to know na nanjan ka pa? Tell me!!"

"Diba sabi ko sayo I couldn't even use my phone. Mahirap bang intindihin yun?"

"Mahirap!"

"Tell me.. meron kanabang iba? Tell me... may nagpapasaya naba sayo?"

"What more I could tell? Do you want me to answer your questions? why? do you want me to tell a lie like what you have been doing?"

If I said Yes... Meron naakong iba.. Yes.. may nagpapasaya nasakin.. hindi lang siya yung niloloko ko.. kundi ang SARILI KO. Ayukong pag sisihan na siya yung minahal ko, ayukong pagsisihan na nagtiis ako kahit sobrang unmotivated nako.. kahit nasasaktan naako... at kahit nahihirapan nako, ayukong pagsisihan na hanggang ngayon nakakulong parin ako sa pagmamahal niya na nababalutan ng puro kasinungalingan... ayukong pag sisihan ang lahat... pero bakit ito ung nararamdaman ko?

"I didn't lie"

"Yes... you didn't just lie... because YOU HAVE LIED to me."

Tatapusin ko na... ayuko na....

*Ting*

Good thing bukas ang data niya so he could check what I have sent to him.

He saw random pictures of the girl he was dating while we were in a relationship. A day after we met then... he met up that girl. They were for almost 2 years.. and almost 2 years niya akong NILOLOKO. Mas masakit to kaysa nung hindi ako binigyan ng baon ng nanay ko nung elementary dahil hindi ako nakapag hugas ng plato. MAS MASAKIT TO!

"What are these?"
"Now, TELL ME MORE of your lies!"

- End