Mysterious Love

Chapter 25

6/26/18
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHICKEN!
You piss me off a lot..
You make me jealous a lot..
You make me upset a lot..
You make me feel dead inside..
Your clueless as ever..
But i still fucking love you
even if you don't love me unlike how i thought you did....

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6/29/18
I hate camping..
My parents signed me up for camping
And this seriously sucks
I have electricity, just no wifi but that doesn't matter much
I can still type, just post it later
That's why I'm putting down dates

Anyways,
Let me talk about Chicken since it was his birthday like 3 days ago, counting today .
Some bad news, some good news
And i know he reads this and now he's gonna get pissed at me
So umm.. Hey there Chicken..
IM SORRY BUT IM NOT SORRY

Chicken treats me differently from his friends
Which is usually good because boyfriend are supposed to treat his girlfriend with more respect and care
Yeah.. NOPE NOT HERE
Hate to break it to you, Chicken
My friends, his friends, and him, literally told me he isn't good at caring.
That's a sign he doesn't care at all about me because how isn't anyone good at caring??
His fish is still alive and he's caring for his fish.
So how is he not able to care for his girlfriend?
Second, clueless as hell
No joke.
Like actually clueless.

I sent him TWO and i mean literally TWOOOOO depression paragraphs
He sent me a "what do you want me to do about it?" And a "Ok"
He doesn't understand what I'm saying to his face
And it's directly at his face that I'm depressed and he just can't see the fact that i am
You blind dude? You ok? Need the hospital?

Third, he is constantly making me angry and jealous
Why?
Eve.

I understand he's "friends" with her but really.
Are you really just friends with her?
Here's my proof of absolute jealousy.
1. Constantly talking about Eve
2. Always texting her
3. Always on a call with her

I know this because when we are on a date (btw i always ask to go because Chicken doesn't usually ask)
He casually just talks about her and her problems
Sometimes about her going on dates
He never texts me back and whenever I talk to Eve she tells me about his texting her
I understand that he can talk to whoever he wants when he's free and all
But it doesn't always Have. To. Be. Eve.
Why am I saying this?
I HAVEN'T CALLED HIM IN LIKE 3 WEEKS NOW
I'm probably exaggerating but i know, i haven't gotten a single call or a facetime call from him
For exactly, 2 weeks straight.

Angry much?
Very much yes.

I know he's always on a facetime call
How do I know this?
Simple.
When I'm free, I text him like a "hey do you want to ft?"
And usually he never responds like a nice boyfriend -_-
And when he does he usually say he's busy
And sometimes, he says "sorry, I'm on a facetime with Eve"
Like do you really have to.
CONSTANTLY TALKIN ABOUT HER, FACETIMING HER, TEXTING HER,
He's never calling me or texting me or talking about me
What am I? A nobody to you?
He doesn't even give a damn about me.
He doesn't care, like a cold-hearted man he's acting like.
IF YOU TALK ABOUT HER, THEN FUCKIN DATE HER
He makes me so upset and wanting to scream my lungs out
He just sits there and watches me
During July 4th which was a few weeks ago,
It was a miracle he finally asked me to go to July 4th with him and hang around
I obviously had a hang out with my best friend, Hawk so i asked her if he wanted to come
I don't want to ditch her so i obviously let her came...
I had the worst day ever.
I was on my period at the time so i begged them not to bring a swimsuit since i can't swim with a period
And when i got there, i was so happy...
Hawk and Chicken started talking more than i expected..
I tried to talk but they ignored me..
They told me that i should talk and i tried to tell them that they are ignoring me but they ignored that part too..
Hawk wanted some food and Chicken offered her some stuff which he never did or done to me
Not that I want him to, I'm afraid to take other people's stuff but still, upset about it
Hawk obviously accepts the offer and they both leave me and they go get their food
I was really hungry and i told my mom i don't want to eat food since I'm hanging out with them
I couldn't tell myself to eat because i was just dying
And when Hawk went to the bathroom and left me and Chicken alone
I tried to talk to him and you know what he did?
He went on his phone and started playing a game and ignored me
And waited for Hawk to return to keep talking to her.
Then we walked out to the beach where they ditched me and went swimming.
Obviously Chicken lied and brought his swimsuits,
Hawk on the other hand didn't bring her swimsuit but jumped into the beach with her normal clothing
And they left me there, on the bench, for 1 hour and a half..
Completely forgetting about me..
Like i always thought they would..
What a loser and a complete non-existing thing i am.
They probably still didn't notice why i was so upset and crying when they ignored me for the past 3 hours and half.

Fourth,
His annoying ditching.
So you know how it's good manners to never leave a girl until her ride has arrived?
Good advice to any guys reading this..AHEM* CHICKEN
Umm..
yeah he always ditches me .
He always ditches me first
Only twice has he went to my house and dropped me off
This other one,
We went to the mall and i told him we could stay for 2 hours since we probably won't do anything much at the mall..
...i was correct..
He instantly, and i mean, first step into the god damn mall
He got so bored
We walked around and he just straight up tells me he's bored
So i brought him to a few stores where we were able to see manga and anime.
He was still bored.
I talked to him about some topics i struggled to talk about
And he just looked at me like i was speaking a different language
He didn't try and help me think of something to talk about.
He was still bored.
So we went into the food court and i told him to try some bubble tea
And as a normal, person that i know, liked the bubble tea unlike me.
He accidentally spilled his tea and i ran to get some napkins for the spill he caused.
After that, he just sat there, not saying a word to me, drinking his tea, and on his phone.
I'm not even sure if he was texting Eve as well.
He was still bored.

It was one hour.
We walked some more, and more silence came upon us.
And we sat down together on a bench and suddenly he says
"I have to go, my ride is here."
Like the typical Chicken he fucking is.
Ditches me like he always do.
And i just sat there.
One hour and 20 minutes it's been..
He doesn't even care that i sat there for possibly 30-40 minutes because he was already gone
I think he texted him mom while he was drinking.
He got so bored that he didn't want to be with me anymore.
He just cares about everything but me.
Sometimes I wonder, like literally,
"Am I actually his? Does he actually believe that? Or is he only trying to say that, to make me happy? I'm not even happy at all. He's hurting me more than my thoughts. Depression is hurting more but really, does he have to constantly leave, talk about her, ignore me, act so careless? Can't he just walk up to me and say "this relationship is over". Is he really just trying to make me feel more useless than i already am?"

P.S. to the Chicken who's reading this,
I don't want to threaten you or anything
But,
Either fix some of your problems that is killing me so much that it's constantly and always making me cry
Or
I listen to my friends, my parents, and including Eve
I'm sorry, but your actually making me want to die 7x more than how i always feel, thanks to depression.

Rest In Peace, This Chapter 25.
*gives a silence of praying*
Ok, I hope this relationship and this journal/story gets better..
Probably not actually..
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This is over 1k long..word wise....god this is huge..
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