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E L L A

The time rolled around to 8pm and like would be at my apartment any minute. I was nervous as fuck, but it needed to be done.

I had always been quite the innocent girl. I hated being in trouble so I just followed rules, and stuck to my studies. But as soon as Luke pushed his way into my life, my mindset changed.

I told myself I wouldn't ever lose my virginity until I was married but here I am, getting fucked by the star hockey player just about everyday. We'd had out effortless cycle of using each other for nearly a year. He used me for his needs and I just wanted him to be my boyfriend. Sure he cared about me but the relationship was hurting me and I needed to fix it.

"Hey babe. God I'm so exhausted, we fūcking ran so many laps and then did a scrimmage thing." He talked as soon as he unlocked the front door.

"Hello stranger." I smiled. I was sitting at the bar in a still with my legs wrapped up. Luke took a look and smiled at me kissing my forehead.

"Talk?" Luke looked purely afraid.

"Yeah, well you see. Luke we aren't dating, you've never made it official. And to me that makes me feel like I'm just your fuck buddy or something and I just. I'm not that girl Luke." I looks down for most of my lecture but turned to him as soon as it was over. His mouth was barely agape and eyes trained on the cup in front of me.

"Ella. I as much as I want to take you out and show you off, I can't. Coach strictly told us if we don't have any relationships while joining the team don't make new ones." He sighed, leaning on the kitchen counter.

"Bullshit." i raised my voice. "Luke its your life you can do what you'd like outside of your practice and the games." I was starting to get upset. It's one thing to be told forward that 'i don't want to be in a relationship with you' but an entirely different one to make excuses.

"Hey. I- Ella. I can't." He continued looking down.

"Luke we've had this thing going on for months. What do you want from me? What are you looking for in this thing we have. I'm trying so hard and if this is all going to backfire in my face, then get out. Fucking leave me to cry so I can get over you quicker and not waste anymore time on you. What-look at me Luke!" I yelled, getting up and walking away to my room. I was already about to cry and I didn't want him to see.

"Ella I'm sorry! I don't know what to do!" he shouted back slowly trailing behind me.

"Get out." I turned around at the frame of my door. He wasn't too far from me, I could see the hurt in his eyes. They swelled up with water, but he refused to let it free.

He quickly came up to me, kissing me gently before finding his way back to his car outside. Leaving me alone like he always does.

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