how can one measure the time
of fleeting happiness?
how do you know when it will begin again?
for the time i spend laughing seems like
seconds.
i forgot what the warm embrace of you feels like,
for the mere thought of your arms entrapping me
makes me feel like dying.
i forgot what it was like to smile without
the pills,
for those moments were so long ago
and yet so precious.
i smile and laugh now.
with my broken family that makes me feel whole,
but the moments i had of happiness...
they were taken for granted.
i only wish i could go back
tell the young blue eyed girl,
that she will hurt,
she will cry,
she will lock herself away,
she will want to die,
she will want to cut,
but if she cherishes the moments she has,
maybe she will be okay.
she won't need the liquor,
the smoke of cigarettes and weed,
she can be happy with people.
she won't need the kiss of silver,
the pile of pills,
she can have a pure,
real
smile
in her long full life of happiness,
not in the moments,
but all the time.
a.m.
