Whiskey for Elephants

14.

It had been a few days since my brother showed up, a few days since Ronnie confessed he thinks he loves me. I'd also been talking with Derek more, due to him traveling all the time, he can't ever have a stable phone plan. He writes letters.
Derek also informed me he's been seeing this Persian woman who really likes Van Gogh and Beethoven. He told me not to tell Mom because he was pretty sure she wasn't going to stay with him.
As for Ronnie and I, we did touristy things but mostly we just hung out with the guys. Tyler and Jacky hung out and gamed with Ronnie a lot.
However, last night, Ronnie went out and did a pop up show at some bar without telling me, the publicist.
The argument went something like, "Just cause I let you fuck doesn't mean you can do things without telling me, Ron, I'm still your publicist." I say, exasperated. Ronnie chuckled angrily.
"Let me fuck? You wanted my dick so bad, you tried to find every excuse not to want to. Meanwhile this whole time I could have been hate fucking Chrissy (A/N: I HATE THAT IT AUTOCORRECTS EVERY TIME!) or some other random chick." He says, grinning and grabbing his dick. "You need some more angry fucking cause I can provide." He says bitterly before turning to the sink in the kitchen and spitting. He did that in your face, boxer hover thing. So Hot when he does it, even though he's pissed.
He's always been the right kind of danger.
"Ronnie," I start.
"No, Danika, I'm going to bed. Feel free to join me."
"Don't go to bed mad, Ronnie. I just want you to be careful." But he left down the hall to the bedroom. I waited a half an hour before going in and seeing if he was asleep so I could get clothes. He wasn't, but he was watching something and headphones in. He didn't notice me. I walked into the corner of the room and opened my suitcase. I grabbed leggings and one of the shirts Ronnie gave me.
I inhaled through my nose, smelling it.
"Hey." Ronnie says, from the bed. He seemed more sad now."What're you doing?" I didn't want to make things worse.
"I'm going to shower and then marathon Lord of The Rings. Give you some space." I say, smiling weakly and leaving the room. He didn't make an effort to follow me out, so I decided that the next day, I'd take off and go away for a bit.

It was early morning, I walked into the room to see if Ronnie was up. He wasn't, as expected. So I left him a note on the pillow, got dressed and left. I had left him with breakfast in the microwave and the couch a mess so he could lay there if he wanted. I had a tattoo appointment.
Halfway through the tattoo, I get a call from my mom. I let it ring. She texts me to call her when I'm not busy, like always. The tattoo was a thigh piece, six inches wide and about eight inches long.
Two hours later, I'm driving back to the Airbnb and call my mom.
"Hey Mom! I just got a new-"
"Derek was killed in a train derailment." She sobs into the phone. I slam my breaks in the middle of the highway. I flick my hazards on and pull over.
"What was he doing on a train?" I ask, angry all of a sudden. I wanted to know why. It wasn't fair.
"He was on his way here. Said seeing you made him miss home."
"Mom, I can't, I can't talk about this right now." I stumble over the words like they're pebbles on a bike lane. I take a deep breath as I hang up and start speeding towards the airbnb.
When I get there, Ronnie's eating.
"Hey, can we talk about last night?"
"No." I say, power walking to the bedroom to throw everything I had into my car. Ronnie noticed the haste.
"Hey hey, woah, what's going on?" He grabs my shoulders to hold me still. "Talk to me, D." He starts running his hands down my arms to calm me, but it just sends me spiraling into a pit of melancholic 'life sucks'.
"I have to go home. I have to go back to Illinois." I say, trying to escape his grip.
"You're not leaving because of me right?"
"No It's Derek- I just, I," My hands shake at my sides and my body convulses. I take big breath. "Derek was killed in a train derailment." Ronnie goes white.
"And I'm the shittiest boyfriend right now." He wraps his arms around me, kissing my face all over. "I decided that I'm your boyfriend this morning." He says in an attempted to make me laugh.
"Too depressed to question it." I sob, chuckling despite myself. "What about Willow?" I choke, hiccup crying.
"She's family, D. We'll all go together. You aren't alone in this. I've lost a brother, too." He says, resting his chin on the top of my head. "We can all have a good time in whatever Midwest shit town you're from dealing with all this crap."
We were silent awhile. I called my mom back to tell her the plans. It lightened the mood a bit, me telling her I was bringing my boyfriend and his daughter. Looking at him calling Crissy to say we're on our way to the air port, I wondered just how Mom would react to all of his tattoos. I sauntered up to him.
"Can I borrow you for a sec?" I say, asking him then to tell her to wait a little longer. He does.
"What, Danika, do you need another hug?" Worry splats across his face.
"Nah, I just wanted to be all over you for a minute. Let's go shower." I walk away, heading down the hallway. He follows me silently, grabbing his clothes as well as mine.
After I start the water, he And I both strip down to our skins and step in. After we're used to the water, we start talking.
"How do we tell Willow?" I ask, squeezing shower gel onto a loofah. I start on his back and scrub until I'm finished.
"We just have to be upfront with her. I haven't dated anyone really, since her mom." He says, standing underneath the shower head to rinse off. He squeezes shampoo into his hand and starts massaging it into my hair. It felt amazing, I didn't have to use my arms except to rinse it out. I do the same for his hair and he does the same scrubbing for my body.
We talk about Derek and me growing up together and what exfoliant I use, first kisses. The whole nine. I thought it would bring me jealousy to hear him talk about the girl it was with but it didn't. Growth, I presumed. Maybe I was just too sad. I didn't know, but I was grateful.