Whiskey for Elephants

17.

Back to normal!
——-
   I couldn't explain the feeling I got when I got back to LA. I had been talking to Ronnie every day since he left Peoria two weeks ago. He was bored out of his mind on the bus with Willow in school. I walked into my beach front apartment, dropped my things, and checked my fridge. I would have to go grocery shopping tonight.
    I didn't want to sign up for classes online, register, and start in a week, but that's exactly what I had to do to keep my job. It didn't take me long to finish the  first two things. At least the house was clean. I turned on the Bluetooth on my phone and let the apartment wide speakers connect. Emarosa blasted from them not long after.
    Taking a deep breath, I open the door to my bedroom, taking in the rosé scented air. It was familiar, but cold. It reminded me of a time before I felt so many good things. A heavy weight sank me lower, so I busied myself with unpacking and doing laundry. I hung up Ronnie's shirts and pants in my closet. I stripped out of the pencil skirt and white shirt I wore, throwing on jean shorts and Ronnie's baggy black teeshirt. I threw my hair up in a bun and found my shades and went for my board. I grabbed my skate shoes, adjusting my laces before taking off towards the beach. I had to smell the air.
     I hopped off the skateboard at the end of the dock and sat. In the distance, I could see the familiar pod of dolphins jumping around by the cove. The smell of salty sea air welcomed me and I took it in stride. My phone dings.
Ron: hey cutie. Did you make it home okay?
Me: yeah, at the beach rn. Tired. Sad.
Ron: only a month left of tour babe and I'll be there.
Me: yeah.
  And that was it for a while. He hated the one word responses but I couldn't really talk about anything new. I flopped back onto the wood and did some more deep breathing. In through my nose, out through my mouth.
Me: I missed the smell of it. I need to go shopping, my food all went bad haha
   I text after a while. I stand up, brush the dirt off, and skate back to my place. I hang up the board and grab my keys. I sit down and start the car as my phone dings.
Ron: I told you that'd happen. Did I not? Loooser.
Me: you're lucky I'm allllll the way here and you're alllll the way there.
Ron: why? Tell me after you're done shopping dweeb. I love you.😘
    I hadn't said that word yet, not all three of those words in the same sentence to him yet. Even though.. I was pretty sure I did. I was pretty sure I was in love with him. When he and I talked about that, he said that he wasn't going to hold his feelings back since they didn't scare me. That scared me though, the fact that him feeling these things didn't scare me at all.
   Man, I miss him.
   At the store, I grabbed ingredients foods and also microwave meals, simply because I'm lazy. I bought a case of fruity water and normal water. Throwing that all into my car, I headed back home for the third time again.
    My phone auto-connected to the Bluetooth as I walked in, some Isles & Glaciers playing over the loud speaker. The music inspired me to clean out my fridge and cabinets so I could put the new groceries away. My neighbors dog was barking pretty ridiculously, so I went outside to see what was up.
    There he is.
"Whaaaat are you doing here?" I panic, thinking something was wrong. My heart was soaring, half the weight on my shoulders lifting off of me at the sight of him. "Is everything okay with everyone?" I asked, but I don't want to say I didn't care, but I couldn't think about anything else except the fact he was standing in front of me. He doesn't say anything as he opens my gate and strides up to me. He just takes the sunglasses off of my face and scans my face for the sweat from the heat. He breaks the sunglasses in his hand before pulling me close to him. He just squeezes me.
"I.. my phone got stolen! I had no way to contact you. Are you okay? I didn't know if you got home safe and I just.." I step out of his arms and look at his face. I take his sunglasses off and scrutinize his eyeballs.
"Ron. I don't want to be that asshole, but are you drunk?" His eyes were glassy, slightly red.
"No. I've.. uh. Ive been crying." He said, his cheeks reddening with his words. I couldn't help the smirk on my face.
   I invite him inside and get him some water before letting him look at the texts I sent his phone for the last two days.
"Well, I want to know who has it now. I don't call you dweeb. I call you brat." He states.
"I thought that was weird." I say, sitting next to him. "When do you go back on tour?" I ask. This impromptu thing was something I wasn't told about, because I didn't plan it. Ronnie and the suits had arranged it, because they didn't want me worrying about who stole his phone two days ago. Which is literally my job.
"We, uh, cancelled the last leg of it because of this level of security breach." He says. I nodded, I thought that's what would happen. "So I'm here now, until this is all figured out." He folds his hands.   I stare at him for ten minutes.
"What?" He asks, annoyed. He fidgets under my gaze and suddenly I know. I know that I probably love him more than he does me.
"I just.. didn't expect you here." I stay staring. "I like looking at you. I love it." I say, getting up and pacing in the kitchen. Okay, wow. This was an intense thing.
"Baby, are you okay?" I almost faint at that word, at the emotions. Maybe he does love me. He does, right? Has for a while? I panically put my hands on my forehead.
"Holy shit!" I exclaim, my eyes popping. The love thing has always been hard, Emory kind of ruined it even more, though. I haven't told anyone I loved them since Emory. Not Craig. My breathing got shallow and fast. Ronnie stands up and grabs my shoulders, runs a hand through his hair before placing it back on my shoulder.
"Babe! Baby! Danika! Would you tell me what is wrong?" He demands. This is it, this is my psychotic fangirl melt down. I inhale. I study his face a minute. His brow is wrought with worry and his eyes don't leave my face. He's biting the inside of his lower lip while clenching his jaw. It's like im seeing him for the first time. I don't know what else to do so I just take another minute to breathe. "Please, Danika. What is the matter? You're scaring me." He cups my face in his hand and I lean into it. Then I smile. It starts small and goes wide. Ronnie relaxes a bit.
"I just realized something super important." I say, watching his face as I speak. "I mean I've known but I haven't really known, y'know?" I shrug and push his hand off my shoulder and wrap my hands around the hand that's still touching my face. I snuggle into it.
"What was that, that was so crazy that got you acting all weird?" He says, sighing.
"I just..." My hands start to shake, but I don't falter. "I love you, Ronnie. Like.. Love you. I can't function when you're not around and I just feel so many emotions with you that I block out.. if you weren't there with me for Derek... I.. would have just been a statue." I don't know how to continue without squealing a little bit. "You left and I was... I was a walking shadow. I didn't know what to do. I just.."
"Shut up, Danika. Stop talking. Did you just? Did that... okay, shit, yeah. Wow. Uh." He stumbles over the words. I take the hesitance.
"Fuck it." Kissing him after telling him I loved him was different then kissing him those other times. He knew I loved him but me somehow coming to terms with it changed everything. I was kissing his mouth, his dimples, his jaw. I was kissing his eyelids, his face tats, his nose. I kissed the crows feet that were only slightly there. All he could do is laugh and pull me close. I couldn't stop touching his hair and neck and shoulders and hands. He was all mine and a bag of chips.
"Do.. do we have sex now?" He asks scratching his head, he means it jokingly but we haven't had sex since the one time and I consider it seriously. The moment we're having right now is pure and light hearted, still passionate, but more of a bouncy kind of passion. I shake my head and grin.
"I don't know." I say seriously. "I think we should eat though, I'm hungry."
"Me too. What's for dinner chef?"
"Don't know that either. What're you hungry for?"