My mind battles for a moment and I try look anywhere but in her direction as the midsize hight, shadowy haired girl walked effortlessly towards us, hair in one complete movement with her body. In the moment she gets closer my cardiac organ feels amplified in my chest and I hold it without realising, this foreign feeling is much too complicated to describe.
This is my speaking moment, I'm going to say hi. I'm going to be confident. The voices in my head will subside for her.
"Perfect isn't she" I look to him, my new fitting friend. I look at his crescent smile and his tethered eyes to this abnormally beautiful girl and as my heart decides to fall through its support system in my body, slowly, ever so slowly making its way into the pit of my stomach as the realisation hits...
"I'm still waiting for you to kiss me Jake" her eyes on him, mine on her.
I can't help my attached eyes digging into their exchange. "Come here" the smile never descending from his lips. His eyes committed to her every move.
"They're disgustingly in love don't watch that shit" one of the guys tugs on the strap of my backpack and I shake my head from the thoughts I attached to this girl I have never even met. I start to internally blame my mother from never exposing me to social experiences, my lack of education and camp trips I believe. She's probably not that great.
"Sorry I didn't ask everyone's names earlier?" My confidence shocks me.
"I'm Oliver this is
Henry
Carter
Toby
Spencer
Callie
Ruby and Bella" he points to each of them while they hand me small waves.
"I'm blain" I say nodding my head. "We know" they laugh in unison and I feel a slight lift but it's not embarrassment It's a comfortability I've not quite felt before.
The rest of my day goes by swiftly, Spencer and Jake are in most of my classes and we got to work in a three in biology so it was fun, I laughed. Not a great laugh, little chuckles here and there but I'm usually silent so it's a start.
Lily was in my English. I sat most of the class paying attention to her, I didn't mean to but the fact that she's obscenely smart only adds to my apparent attraction to her. She hasn't noticed me.
H o m e
"How was your day?" My mother sounds as soon as I walk through the door. Thankfully my annoying little brother no where in sight. "Good" I decide to take a seat and her eyes wader my face. I don't usually stick around. I can't tolerate my mother's questions for more than thirty seconds usually, today I feel different. Today I want to exist.
"That's good..." I can tell she's being careful, assessing my mental state before she makes her moves. Smart.
"Yeah" I take an apple from the fruit bowl and my mother looks at me like I've gone mad, maybe I have.
"Friends?" She's resorted to a one word straight up answer and while I admire her efforts her request shall be denied for now.
"I've got homework" I remove my self from the room.
When I reach my room I stand in front of my awkwardly hung mirror I stand and stare at my imperfect self, imaging my appearance in different ways while the voices tell me how much better jakes hair is, short and clean cut.
"I love your crazy curls blain"
The vibrating sound of my phone pulls me from my mirror. Maya's name litters the screen and I roll my eyes as I answer the phone. Immediately, silently mocking her first words.
