for you. – pain, rejection, anger, envy, pride, and denial.
Why can't I be happy for you?
Happy for you.
You're the best, yes I know that.
You're the kind, smart, and generous person that everyone knows.
You have charm,
You have class,
You are everything despite your broken past,
And yet still remaining stronger.
Since the beginning I thought,
That I would never outshine you.
And so I spoke too loud, and said things very fast.
Since the beginning
I thought That you were better.
Better than me in every possible way.
And yet still, I was blinded.
Blinded by the ego helping me up.
Helping me be the best I thought I was.
All those aspirations were all just fantasy.
Because I knew, that I would outshine you.
But I knew, that I would never be enough.
Nothing is ever enough,
When it comes to me.
Why can't I just be happy for you?
I thought I was better, but now I know that isn't true.
I had my shot at the victory thrown,
And I, away.
Maybe God had chosen you,
Because he knows that I can take rejection.
After all, my life was just a series of mistakes and rejection.
I was a mistake.
And I, still rejected.
From the beginning till now.
Maybe fate had chosen you,
Because you had been kinder.
In comparison to how I would feel, smug and looking down.
High above the rest.
Taken to the test.
Why can't I just be enough?
Wish I was enough.
But nothing ever is.
Why can't I just be happy for you?
Happy for you?
To see you succeed in something I know that I can do ten times as better.
But what do show for it?
What do I have to show?
You've been honoured,
Glorified,
Praised highly and awarded.
And me?
I'm just here.
Left behind to watch you from the shadows.
Maybe now you feel good.
knowing that you've put me in my place.
Maybe now, you feel better.
Because there's more proof of my mistakes.
Maybe now, you're the one who's looking down.
Boosted up from the place luck had brought you.
But no.
I know you better.
It's just me who stares blindly.
Eyes clouded with my monster's clustered emerald vision.
You won.
You always have been since the beginning.
I thought that I could outshine you.
Why can't I just be happy for you?
Happy for you?
I am happy for you.
Just not for me.
•-•-•-•-•
Disclaimer: the picture above is NOT mine. I just found it on Pinterest.
YOU ARE READING
The Words That Hope To Carry,
Poetry"I don't want to be the one Who breaks down at the cost of something very little. Or rather, what seems like something very little to others, But means a breaking point to me." A series of poems, haiku's, tanka's, readings, stories, and monologues...
