I'll Find You (MayWard Fan-fic)

1: The world stopped moving

          
John's POV

I have always thought that the slow-motion moment only happens in movies. Usually, it signifies a 'love at first sight' instant, sometimes it indicates an overwhelmingly significant life occasion. To me, that slow-motion moment marked the start of the abysmal journey that is my life.

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Three more days before I can see you again, but you didn't wait for me. You said I can visit you at the hospital during the weekends but why did you leave before I can see you again? Am I not that important? Is your promise not that significant? Why did you let go?

3 AM. I remember everything clearly. The cries of the people who loved you, the same people who loved us too...or at least that's what I thought. The words ' Your dad is gone John' was engraved in my memory as if it was carved by a blunt knife for it stung me over and over again until it stayed there forever. I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw a fit. I wanted to do a lot of things but managed to do nothing. An empty shell. That is what I have become, and I was judged because of it.

'You didn't love your father enough' they said. People who did not know how much I loved you said those words to me just because I was too distraught to cry. Little did they know that my soul was crying, mourning, grieving for you. They didn't know that I was ready to give up everything that I have just to see you again.

You held everything together in my life and now that you are gone, you left an empty void in my heart. Dad, I do not know what to do without you. I don't know how to act around the family that should be wrapping their arms around me now but instead cloaking the truth with their lies and spewing hatred for the one you loved the most- mum.

Tell me, how am I supposed to live like this? Tell me dad... I want to hear your voice even for just one second. I just want to see you smile again.

Dad...

"SIR JOHN!!!" My eyes snapped open from Manang Espie's booming voice. I groaned both internally and externally.

"Masamang panaginip nanaman ba John?" she asked me with concern clearly visible from her warm eyes. I nodded. The slow-moment has been haunting me for years. I cannot escape. Why do I always go back to the start?

"I'm fine Manang" I reassured her. I hate it when people pity me just because I'm a depressed freak. However, I cannot be rude to Manang, as she is one of the few people that stayed with us when hell broke loose into my family's life.

Manang Espie just shook her head, detecting the obvious lie. "Iho, wala namang masama kung hindi ka okay. It's okay not to be okay John." here she goes again, trying to make me feel better. "If it's okay not to be okay Manang, then why does it hurt so much. Pain is not okay." I rebutted. If it is okay not to be okay, then I shouldn't have to take medications. I should just be left alone right? Even if I'm alone to begin with anyway.

"Pain is a part of life, and ganoon din ang pag mo-move on" she replied. Sometimes, Manang Espie sounds like those guru you hear on the radio. "Here we go again with the quotes Manang. Easier said than done" I remarked, trying to end the conversation. Manang's lips turned upwards and gave me a knowing smile. "Papunta ka palang, pabalik na ako Iho. Move on move on din pag may time ka ha?" To this statement, I just rolled my eyes and got up to get my breakfast.

*sigh*

Another day in helltown aka school. Great, just great.