She was busy making pizza in the kitchen but as usual, the tv was on as a solid background noise. She glanced at the screen when the commentator screamed from the top of his lungs as Marco Asensio’s shot hit the net with such force, it had nearly broke through the knots. From the day she was born, she was raised to be a football fan and whilst now after her break up with Cristiano, it had a bitter after taste to watch the matches, she still never missed a single one of them.
It was a little bit easier these times, when he wasn’t on the pitch, doing what he did best, kicking that perfectly shaped ball with perfect strength and direction. If only he could be as precise about heart matters. It’s been a month since they’d last met and it still stung to think of him.
The knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts. She wiped her hands off with a kitchen towel and headed to check who stepped by. Her heart skipped a beat when she opened the door and he stood there in all of his glory. He never failed to take her breath away, even now that he sported a stubble and had dark bags under his eyes, he was still as beautiful as ever.
“Hey.” He cleared his throat as his fingers entwined in a somewhat nervous manner when he looked at her and then away, unable to hold her gaze.
“You’re winning. I mean, the team, the team is winning,” she blurted completely uncertain what she could or should say. Her heart was hammering against her ribcage and her breathing turned shallow.
How he stood there, looking vulnerable still reminded her painfully of that day when she’d ended their relationship. She knew there was no other way around the issue but to finish all of it. They’d been together for over half year and no matter what she’d done, no matter how hard she’d tried, Cristiano had always found a way to question her.
Why would she still want to work when he could give her everything she needed? Why did she spend so much time with her best friend, Jose? Did they have more going on between them with Jose? What happened at the team building weekend? Why didn’t she answer her phone? Why didn’t she want to go public with him? Was she ashamed of him? There had been something new nearly everyday and after a while she’d just had enough.
She was the type of woman who was willing to put her all into a relationship. Lord knew, she’d loved this man so much that it hurt but after a while she’d started feeling her all hadn’t been enough for him, that she hadn’t been enough for him and that would not do it for her. She couldn’t start questioning herself because he was insecure.
She’d tried to get to the bottom of the issue, tried to make him open up for her, tell her where all this ridiculuos amount of insecurities rooted in but he’d been like the world’s most secure safe with a lock that couldn’t be cracked, no matter what method she’d tried to use.
That day when one last time he’d turned up at her door and pleaded, begged her to take him back, promised he’d make it right, she’d needed every ounce of self control not to throw herself into his arms and give him yet another chance. It’d broken her heart all over again to listen to his shaky words, to watch him struggle but nothing had changed, nothing at all.
“I know, had the radio on in the car,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck. She bit her bottomlip, her fingers clutching the knob so hard her knuckles turned white. “Can I come in?”
“I… I’m not sure this is a good idea, Cris,” she said quietly, reaching to the very core of her strength. She knew if she let him in, she wouldn’t have the strength to send him away.
“Just listen to me and if you still want me to go, I will leave.” She sighed deeply, her eyes closing for a moment as she nodded and stepped to the side to give him space to walk into her small appartment. His scent filled her nostrils, cinnamon and evergreen, her own Christmas tree she’d joked often about it. She ached to touch him as he brushed past by her, craved to just feel his perfectly carved muscles under her fingertips, to press her lips to his and get lost all over again.
“I’m listening,” she said softly as she sat across him on the couch, keeping a good distance between them to stop herself from slipping.
His eyes darted to the tv when Luka was fouled, a grimace appearing on his face before his eyes dropped to his lap. She was chewing on her lips anxiously, unsure where all of this was going and if he was going to say anything at all or just jump up and run off. Judging by the way he was chewing on the side of his thumb, there was a great chance for that.
“I was stupid,” he stated finally as he raised his gaze to her face, waiting for a reaction. She nodded silently, still uncertain of what to do with the situation. “I shouldn’t have kept questioning you… It was… Damn, I was so scared that you’d leave me that I drove you away and it was all my fault,” he rambled and she swallowed hard. The words were stuck in her throat in fear he might not continue. She suddenly felt like that maybe this could be a breaking point, that maybe with leaving him she’d found the way to crack him, to get an access to that locked part of him.
“I… I’ve been used in several ways before. My previous girlfriends… The fame, the money, the doors I can open? They all used me for it.” She nodded, holding her breath. Her limbs strained so she wouldn’t reach out and try to pull him into a comforting hug. She realized he needed to talk about this just as much as she needed to hear it. This was a giant obstacle in the way that could only be put away if they acknowledged it.
“Last time… Not many know this because god, it’s humiliating. My last girlfriend, she cheated on me, not once or twice, not one night stands but had an affair and I knew nothing about it because I was an idiot. I supported her career, her work trips, her acting career and for over half year she was sleeping with another man. I was such a fucking idiot.”
“You aren’t an idiot,” she whispered as she scooted closer to him on the couch and lightly placed her hand over his. “It happens with the best of us.”
“I had a fall out with my mother, I chose her family over my own while she was fucking around behind my back all along.” He scoffed with a shake of his head and her heart bled for him. Getting cheated on, being used the way he’d been used, was never easy. Finally, she saw where he was coming from and the puzzle got together.
“But I’m not them, I’m not using you, I’d leave before I’d cheat on you…”
“And I know that,” he said in a low voice with a shake of his head. “I know and I was such an asshole for putting you through this, for not telling you any of this earlier. But I didn’t want you to see that I’m scared or weak…”
“Cris, don’t be stupid. Of course you are scared, I am too just for different reasons.” She squeezed his hand as tears welled up in her eyes. “You… You’re larger than life and I’m a barely 5ft tall brunette with a shitty accountant job at a shitty company that gives me a shitty salary. My last shitty boyfriend took off with all my savings and now I live in a shitty apartment in a shitty building.” She rambled on, barely taking a breath. “You’re so out of my league, I don’t even see the heights you are at…”
“I’m not out of your league. It’s the other way around…”
“Sure.” She chuckled lightly as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eyes. “The point is, no matter what league you’re in, you can get hurt. You hurt me when you kept questioning me, when you shut me out…”
“I’m sorry, I really am.” He cut her off, sincerity bleeding through his words. “I missed you so much. I… I was cowering behind Cristianinho’s door whenever he talked to you just to hear your voice.”
“I know.” She laughed softly, playing with their entwined hands.
“Can you forgive me because I’m not sure I can spend another day in this mysery?” He asked as his hand sneaked around the back of her neck and pulled her close to him, so close she could feel his breath caressing her lips.
“No more secrets?” Her gaze moved to his lips then back to his eyes. She’s been waiting for this for so long, she could barely believe that after all this time it had happened.
“No more secrets.” He breathed softly before his lips brushed over hers and he pulled her to him.
