“What’s going on in your mind?” She asked, lightly brushing his cheek. They were laying out in the sun, just enjoying the silence and privacy, away from the world, the paparazzi, just the two of them. But she could see whilst the surrounding was ideal, and after months they could take 2 days just for themselves, with the kids being at their grandmother’s, Cristiano was careworn.
There was a constant frown on his face. His body was tensed, she saw the muscles straining in his toned body. He wasn’t his usual vacation self, he wasn’t trying to make snarky comments about how incredibly pale she was, nor he complained about her terrible choice of food, not once he mentioned that they could go skinny dipping. She’s known him for long enough to be aware something was wrong, something was bothering him and it also wasn’t a small thing.
“I’m tired,” he said with a voice she’d never heard before from him, a voice of defeat. It should have scared her, except it didn’t. It came as no surprise after everything that had happened since last summer.
“I know,” she whispered, entwined her fingers with his before she raised their hands and placed a soft kiss on his knuckles.
“I don’t mean from the season.” He pulled away and sat up, his shoulders hunched forwards and her heart ached for him. He looked lost and ashamed, something very important was taken from him and for the first time in his life, Cristiano wasn’t certain what to do.
“I know,” she said softly and swallowed hard as she followed his suit and sat up as well. She wasn’t certain what she should say, or if she should say anything at all. They’ve always talked everything through, including his career moves but this was different, he was cornered into an impossible situation and after a very long time, she knew he started doubting himself.
“9 years…” He nodded to himself, his index finger drew little lines in the sand next to the towel. “My best years…” He shook his head, his lips turned into a thin line. “I was never enough.”
“Cris…” She sighed softly, placed her hand on his back but he just tensed up even more so she dropped it back to her lap. She knew what he meant of course, she’s been there for the last 5 years, the hell ride as she referred to it to her friends. They’ve met during one of his vacations. One day she’d been just a waitress, then the next thing she’d known had been that she’d been dating the footballer superstar, Cristiano Ronaldo who previously she hadn’t even known existed.
Her life had turned upside down and she’d learnt very quickly that her mother’d been right to always say not to envy the rich and famous, and not to think success didn’t come with a price. She’s been there everytime he’s been whistled by his own fans who seemed to love his goals more than Cristiano Ronaldo the man, the footballer, the leader who helped them to so many victories. He was disposable, useful as long as he scored at every game, outvoted the very moment he couldn’t deliver.
“Remember my birthday?” He laughed bitterly and her face pulled into a grimace.
“It was my fault. How could I forget?” She’d insisted him to have a big party with all of his friends and family present for his 30th birthday. He’d always kept it small, just the closest relatives, a cake, a bottle of champagne, a dinner. But she’d convinced him to have the giant bash because he’d only turn 30 once. It was one of her greatest regret still. Not only he hadn’t enjoyed himself and wished he could have been anywhere but there, pretending to enjoy the party but the hate campaign that it had generated had been one of the worst.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he huffed and shook his head. “Do you think it’s normal that I had a party full of kids and they still talked about it like it was an orgy? Do you think it’s normal that I can’t celebrate my birthday without appearing as the devil next day? That I got death threats because of the bullshit media spread? Do you think anyone else would have ended up the same way as me?” She bit her bottomlip as she listened to his strained voice. She wished she could have said something, anything to make his pain disappear but this was something he’s carried for too long and no word could help anymore.
