If you loved me, why'd you leave me?

4

- t|w -
December 22nd, 2015/ 9:12AM
Sean was looking at himself in the mirror.
He thought he was really nice looking.
Baby blue eyes, brown hair, pale, soft, skin, and a small, short figure, yet he did have very feminine hips.
Sean lifted up his shirt, looking at his upper body.
I'm not good enough 
He hates me
He will never love me again
Im not perfect enough for him
I don't have a perfect slim body
I don't suffer enough to be perfect like he wants
He wants someone beautiful
Someone skinny
Someone that's not me
But I want to be that person
I need to be that person
I have to be that person
Sean looked at himself up and down, looking at his thighs.
They did rub together, but since he did have a lot of hip, it was natural.
He didn't want it though. He wanted that perfect thigh gap that perfect people had.
He wanted a small waist, with a collar bone deep enough to where his clothes curved from the bone like those perfect people had.
He needed it so badly.
He had to be perfect.
Sean took a deep breath, putting his shirt down and walking out of the bathroom.
He flooped on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.
Maybe he should go on a run.
Cardio always worked, right?
Yea.
Sean sat up and opened up his temporary dresser, stripping of his pjs.
He put on some of his new sweats and a short sleeved shirt.
Then he put on some socks and his shoes.
Sean grabbed his phone and new earbuds, walking downstairs.
"Hey Jack, where're you going?"
A voice asked. Felix, to be precise.
Sean turned around, looking at his friend who was on the couch eating an omelet, and drinking some coffee.
"Hi Fe, I'm just going on a run."
He said, biting his lip.
"Oh? Well, let me make you some breakfast first."
Felix said, standing up.
Sean froze, then shook his head.
"No no, I'm fine. I'll go get some food while I'm out."
He said, quickly walking out of the house.
Sean plugged his earbuds in his phone, going threw his music list and putting on a song as he put his buds in his ears.
Then he was off, starting off on a light jog.

December 22nd, 2015/ 12:32PM
Sean had just got back from taking a run, panting heavily as he walked in the house.
He ran about 3 3/4 miles.
"Jack?"
Felix said.
Sean took out his ear buds.
"Yea?"
He answered, taking off his shoes.
"There's some food over here, come here please."
His Swedish friend said front the kitchen.
"Em.. no thanks, I'm good."
Sean said, walking upstairs.
Felix sighed and shook his head, setting the food In the fridge
Sean hummed softly, going to the room he was staying in and grabbing some clothes.
He walked to the bathroom and set the clothes on the counter, shutting and locking the door.
He set his phone on th counter, then walked over to the shower, turning it on and waiting a few seconds to feel the warmth. It was nice.
He took a few breaths then stripped of his clothes, setting them aside then stepping in the shower, standing there for a few minutes before actually cleaning himself.
Sean got out after around, 20 minutes or so, turning off the showering then grabbing a towel from the cabinet under his sink, drying himself off.
He picked up his phone and looked at the notifications.
Of course there was an upload from Mark.
Sean took a deep inhale of air, exhaling slowly.
Its okay. You'll move on. Everything will be okay.
Nothings okay. You won't move in. Nothing will be okay.
The Irish man didn't know which voice to believe.
It hurts. His mind. He was dizzy. Everything was spinning around.
Sean looked around, scratching at his skin.
Fucking do it. Just do it!
He yelled at himself in his mind.
Sean grabbed a new, never used yet, shaving razor, crying heavily and yelling as he broke the razor some how, some way.
He slowly picked up one of the shattered razors, looking at his reflection.
He was panicking so much, and wasn't thinking.
Sean held out his shaking arm, closing his eyes tightly.
1
2
3
He closed opened his eyes and looked at what he had done.
They weren't insanely deep or bleeding, but they were stinging and had little bits of blood seeping through.
It felt good.
Sean looked at his other arm, placing the razor down.
1
2
3
He let out a whimper every time he slashed his arm.
To be more precise, it wasn't in the middle of his arm, but more of being closer to his wrist.
He was scared to cut directly on his wrist.
Sean bit his lip and put the blade down on the counter. He grabbed some toilet paper and put it on his wounds so the blood would soak up in it.
He opened the toilet and crumpled up the put in in the toilet, flushing it so neither Felix or Marzia would suspect what he had done.
Sean got dressed and grabbed his phone and the rest of the razors, going to his room rather quickly.
He didn't have any of his bracelets with him, so he just had to be more careful.
The day went on, the small Irish man just laying in bed and binge watching Marks videos, bursting into tears every now and then.
Felix had went to Sean a few times during the day, trying to get him to eat something or play some video games.
Yet, every time, Sean rejected everything.
Felix has given up and went to record a video.
Sean looked at the 3 cuts on his right arm, then the 3 cuts on his left arm. He would go out and buy some better razors and bracelets later today or tomorrow probably.
All he wanted to see now is bones and red.
This was only the beginning of something terrifying.