Teacher

Chapter 38

This is a warning there will be some triggering content in this chapter. Some images of self harm. So I repeat if you get triggered by that kind of stuff don't read past the point that says *WARINING* . And if you, yourself ever need help or someone to talk to to don't hesitate to message me on Instagram @paigekat02
I can't promise I'll respond right away but I'll try to. Lots of love xoxox
    -Paige
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Brandon's POV

I didn't want to let him go. If it was up to my brain I wouldn't. But my brain didn't make that decision. My heart did.

You see,I never really believed in love. I always thought it was a dumb excuse to make out with someone on a regular basis. But it's not. And Nick taught me that. He taught me that love is wanting to have everything revolve around one person. Nick was mine. I was his. But that all came tumbling down.

Nick also taught me another thing about love. He taught me that love is basically like handing a gun to someone and having them point it at your head. You have to trust them to not pull the trigger. In my case, my gun man pulled it, except I didn't feel it in my head, I felt it in my heart.

I also never understood why people called it 'heartbroken'. But I understand now. Tears are streaming down my face, I feel like I'm going to be sick, I am shaking uncontrollably, and most off all, I want to take I'm back. But, I can't. I can't let him think that lying is okay, because it isn't, all my life I have been built up on the thought that lying is not okay. And I'm not about to let Nick take that moral from me.

I decided to drive over to Daja's house. We haven't talked much since Nick and I started dating. She didn't now why we stopped talking because obviously I couldn't tell her. I pull into her driveway and take a second to calm down. You are stronger than what you think. You can do anything, be anything, and dream anything if only you dared.

I knock on the door and she answers. She looks almost stunned to see me at her door. "Why the hell are you here?" She says with obvious disgust in her voice.
"I came by to see you. We haven't talked much since August and now it's September! Time has flown by huh!" I say with a smile, pulling her into a hug. But she pushes me away. I can feel the hurt on my face. Kinda like the hurt on Nicks face when I left .
"You can't just fucking walk back into my life whenever you want! Why didn't you talk to me for three months? Too busy getting hickeys from people?" She says spitting hate in my face.
"I-I can't tell you why we haven't talked. I can't tell anyone...." I say rubbing the back of my neck.
"Well don't bring your gay ass back to my house. You're pathetic!" She says as she slams the door shut.

I walk to my car and drive home. Once I'm alone in my room I look at my phone that has been on silent for like the past 2 hours. 35 missed calls and 147 text messages. All from Nick...

*WARNING*

I sink to my knees and begin to ball my eyes out. I can't take him back. I can't do it. I can't take another heartbreak. Why did he have to get drunk? Why did I have to find out? The next thing I did, I thought I would never do...

I walk into y bathroom and open the drawer. I pull out a razor. My vision fogged from tears as I break the plastic and pull on the blade. I set the sharp metal to y left wrist and press down and slide it . I don't go to deep, I don't want to die. But I go deep enough to remind myself of the pain I will have if i go back to Nick. After making 5 marks, I put on a sweatshirt and go to sleep.

I'm not a thrill ride.
I am human.
But I guess Nick didn't view me that way.