Remember Me

Chapter 14

Lupa

"A-Ava?" I stammer in shock as I let her into the cabin. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I'm replying to your letter," she says, looking around my shack, "This is a nice place you've got here."

"You shouldn't be here." Wariness is prickling the hairs at the back of my neck, making them stand on edge. "I-I don't trust myself around you."

"Well you know what? Screw that. I trust you. And that's what matters. So come home, please."

I shake my head vigorously.

"Why not Lupa?!' She explodes. I look down at the ground. "What's keeping you from going back?"

"Fear," I mutter, self-consciously rubbing my scars. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ava relax a little as understanding dawns on her. She walks over to me and lifts my chin with one hand. She searches my eyes for a moment.

"Do you mean real fear? Or Fear fear?" She asks softly, putting her one hand on my ravaged cheek.

"Both. The monster only comes when I'm upset or afraid."

Ava guides me to one of the chairs and sits me down in it before sitting down next to me.

"Okay, I'm going to go all doctor on you here, but when did the monster start coming to you?" She asks me.

"Right after I attacked you and cut up your arm."

"Is it here right now or does it only happen when you think about something upsetting that's happened?"

I look around, but Fear is safely tucked in the back of my mind. "Fear isn't here right now. But if I start thinking about my father's descendant, or anybody else that I've killed, he'll pop up."

Ava nods and takes my notebook and pencil, jotting some things down.

"Do you ever have flashbacks or nightmares from some of the accidents?" She asks. I'm nodding vigorously before she even finished. She smiles a bit and thinks for a moment. "Do you ever have trouble eating or sleeping?"

I nod again and Ava's eyes darken. "What is it, Ava? What's wrong with me?" I ask her in concern as she stares at the page.

"I can't tell yet. A few more questions okay? Do you ever feel numb of detached from your body?"

"Yes."

"Okay, last question. Do you feel like something terrible is going to happen even though you're safe?"

"Yes."

Ava leans back on the chair and sighs softly. "Lupa," she begins slowly, "I think you have PTSD."

"PTSD?" Confusion swirls within me. I begin to hear Fear chuckling in my mind. "What is that?"

"Hey, don't get worked up," she says, putting a hand over mine. "Don't panic, you're alright. PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's a mental illness, but it's treatable."

"How did I get it then?" I demand, thoughts flying through my head.

"Probably from killing so many people. But at least that means that your monster isn't real."

Don't listen to her, Lupa, I hear Fear whisper in my head. I see him forming just behind Ava's head. His eyes are glowing red and angry. She's just trying to make you feel better. There is no hiding the monster you really are. Just close your eyes and your true nature show.

An image of Ava's aunt Mel flickers across my vision.

No! I turn my head away and close my eyes. I can barely hear Ava over the sound of her aunt's dying screams. I cover my ears with my hands. I'm not a monster. I can stand up to these shadows! And I will!