Different. What if things had turned out different? would we really be 'the perfect couple' or would we crash and burn like so many couples out there?
I will never know, one thing I do know is that the love of my life has no idea that I love him and that I messed up eighth grade year.
I didn't really consider me and josh friends in eighth grade. He was just another guy that I talked to during my science period. It wasn't because of the way he dressed or acted. It was that I was in an off and on again relationship with a dumbass in tin foil.
If I had payed attention and opened my eyes. I can't stop thinking about what it could've been. With so many people telling us that were 'soul mates' it's nearly impossible to not think about that constantly.
The people that knew me and josh weren't talking didn't even believe me at first.
Hardest months of my life no doubt about that. He had gotten tired of everybody asking if we were in a relationship so one day he texted me.
'Sophia, is it okay if we stopped talking for a while'
I still remember the sudden pang of hurt and sadness that enveloped me. he didn't know it but when that happened I felt like my whole world was being destroyed. he talked to my friends, his guy bestfriend Joseph was cousins with my bestfriend. Joseph was one of the stupid reasons he ended up getting over me. Everything was just falling apart before my eyes and I couldn't do anything other then watch it fall.
I would see him walking down the halls happier as ever as if he didn't just ask if we could stop talking. he would look at me like a diseased animal nobody wanted. I became depressed over those months without really realizing it. I didn't have anybody to talk to so I just dealed with it the way I know how, pretending i was happy. I could see the way he smiled and laughed with his friends and I was just the diseased animal that wanted to be part of that group and be happy. over those months I cried myself to sleep nearly every night. the damage that he had done was painful but the thing that hurt me the most is that he didn't care what happened to me, he just wanted 'the people to stop talking'.
Not having anybody to talk to and isolating myself wasn't the best thing to do, but it was what I did. I didn't want to talk and when I did the words were lifeless and covered in sadness even if it was a simple hello. nobody really knew what was going on between us and most people didn't care. a girl in our Spanish class that talked to both of us asked what had happened and I spilled I almost cried in front of her, but I knew I couldn't because he was there. she tried fixing things between us but he simply didn't care. made me think twice before I let anybody into my life. I trusted josh with my life. he was always there for me when I needed him but now that he wasn't I simply didn't know what to do with myself.
We started talking again after three months of no communication whatsoever. it was after my volleyball practice that I posted a picture of my wrists with the words 'no pain no gain' i later found out that he asked around if my friends knew if I was okay, but when none of them knew. he sent me a text asking what that post meant.
He was worried. when I saw that text I cried so hard. he didn't look as if he cared for three months and all of a sudden he was worried?
'What does that mean?!?'
'My arms are all red from volleyball, so if I don't have pain I'm not dominating the ball so then there's no gain..'
'I thought you were cutting that's why I was worried..'
'Since when are you worried about me'
'I've always cared about my friends'
That time that we had spent apart not only made me get to my lowest point, but it had emotionally screwed him over too.
