Danger Line (Malec)

Danger Line Chapter 5 Bitter Taste

Thank you all for the support!

As full as your cup may be, when you empty it back into the mixing pot along with the rest of the world you've still got nothing.

When Alec wakes up, he feels like he's got everything and nothing all at once. He has nothing he wants, but he's got a headache in its place. Yay. Headaches are awesome, aren't they? No, not really. At least he slept without nightmares last night. But today, he's going to be meeting Max. His younger brother. His younger brother he hasn't seen in a year or two... He promised to take Max and a friend into the city to go to the zoo. He needs caffeine first.

Alec quietly gets dressed, making sure not to wake Magnus in the bed next to his. He doesn't dislike his roommate, but he needs to keep him at an arm's length. He already likes the teen more than he should, he already finds himself wanting to smile when he sees Magnus. It's like before the incident, in that short time frame where he had real friends, people he cared about that he's cut all ties with now. People like Magnus are dangerous, they get him in trouble. If it were to ever get out that he likes Magnus, even as a friend, and his family was to know… Alec shudders at the thought.

He's not distant because he wants to be, he's not fighting himself until he's just skin and bones for nothing. If he continues to submit to their will, even when they're not there, eventually he'll be the last one laughing. They'll stop pissing on his flame at some point. But he has to handle himself, defy them subtly by staying alive and showing off few of the emotions that overwhelm him and hating them by listening to the music he loves.

It might make him a fucked up individual, but it keeps him alive while pushing him over the edge and he loves that delicious balance of barely-there sanity. He's probably going to fall off the edge sooner or later, but he's finding that's okay with him. Just another thing to spite them with, Just another thing to dangle the noose limply around his neck. He's not suffering from this near insanity; he's enjoying every second of it.

Everyone wants to dance, but guess what? Alec never wanted to dance, not with anyone, so he's not here to party with you, sanity, you fucking bitch.

Alec shoves his wallet and cell phone into the pockets of his dark skinny jeans, and quietly exits the room, taking extra care not to slam the door. For his sake, and Magnus'. He needs something with caffeine to take away the sharp, loud noises and stop the somewhat irritating pounding in his skull that is less than comfortable. He get drunk last night, not too drunk, though, so his hangover isn't to bad. But he... Oh God, he practically admitted to Magnus that he's gay! What'll his parents do if they find out? They can't find out, no, they can't... Oh God, he doesn't need a repeat of the incident!

Alec tries to calm himself as he walks to the school cafeteria groggily to get himself a coffee, thinking that telling Magnus isn't like telling the whole school. He grabs a cup and pours it into a paper cup, adding only a spill of cream. It's never going to get back to his parent's ears, they'll never find out. They'll never know that other people know about him, and they won't be able to punish him if they don't know, and besides, it's only Magnus who-

"Move over, fag."

Alec freezes, looking at the well-built jock next to him. He has his lip upturned in hate and disgust, and a bit of exasperation as he looks at Alec. It reminds him of how the popular girls at his old school would look at fresh meat that they didn't like that tried to talk to them. Oh, God, he knows. And if he knows, everyone knows. Oh fuck, he's screwed. So, totally, incomprehensibly screwed.

Alec pulls his coffee cup to him and speed walks, as fast as his legs will carry him and make him not look like he's totally running away, to a whole-school bathroom, which is stalled, unlike the single one he shares with Magnus. He takes a few deep breaths, staring at himself in the mirror. He splashes some water on his face, then he becomes transfixed in his own image.