Life in Just a few Words - Poetry

First Off

One fateful night, right after midnight

Mysterious stranger was what I’d seen

The boys heartbreaking smile, so obscene

Striking up a chat, the first thing he said?

"Can I have your number?" How forward of you I silently said.

Without stopping I said yes, what the hell.

What was I thinking! Exhaustion, hunger, plain madness? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell. 

The night kept on going he left and came back, every time on the hour with that smile of his. Glowing and showing, every time I would see made my heart do half a leap and then crashed and fell

Was it possible? No, couldn’t be!

Not even an option for him to see

Anything more than a shy reluctant loner

Not wanting to be there for more than a night I was scared I’d regret if I didn’t remember.

Conversations rolled on, one question after another.

Learning each other’s secrets, it felt weird and brand new. Why was he still here? Why would he bother?

Another secret rolled out. I’ve never been kissed.

Embarrassment on my face I’m sure, like a bullet, I’ve missed.

Not saying another word, I looked down at my hands

Dreading this every place on earth, please let me curl up and die if I can?

Still he said nothing, I grabbed up my strength

This question I’d ask will surely seal my fate

“Why did you come up to me? Ask for my number?”

“Why wouldn’t I? Your cute, I’m a sucker for glasses.”

Another smile of his and this time a smile of mine.

“So you’ve never been kissed? Would you like to change it this time?”

Stupidly one sentence came out my mouth “Only if you want to.” Why did I say that you stupid, retched mind!!!!

In a moment it happened. A sly smile and he leaned

My eyes widened. This is what I’d seen

Never closing my eyes even for a second, I saw the side of his face but even more than that the smell of his hair, his skin, his breath.

Mesmerizing. Like peppermint and mouthwash mixed in a sweet soothing scent.

Shocked that he had actually kissed me, I didn’t register his soft, soft lips on mine then the slow movements across my mouth, my lips were slightly ajar, as you know from shock, that his bottom lip fell ever so slightly in my mouth. Causing me to render speechlessness.

Just like that it was over. He pulled away smiled and moved on with his day. Not a word to be spoken, that I remember of, immediately I was embarrassed and the only thing I found wishing for was forgetfulness.

I though he had left, but surprised me by sitting down. “So, what’s up? How you feeling?” Is what he said.

“I’m good. Nothing much.” Was all that came out, I had trouble looking him in the eye. I felt as defenseless as a small, vulnerable, confused little fly. Not roaming with purpose or want in the world. Like knowing that in a second your whole world could come crashing down. SPLAT

“I just came to tell you that I’m not really looking for a girlfriend.”

“I’m not looking for a boyfriend.” It’s true. But why did it hurt. He knew I’d never been kissed, never even had a boy look at me the way he did.

Asking my fragile heart, then why did he kiss me?

My mind was chilling those words so obscure

Never thinking I would hear something to affect me that way, almost rock me to my core.

Disappointed? No. Scared? Maybe. Shocked? Yes.

My little self-confidence I must confess.

He’d seen his chance and he took it. A conquest, someone or more like something to tell his friends about. Laugh later about. Nothing serious, just fun and games.

He’d text me later “Wanna hang?”

At three in the morning, no thank you sir.

I may not have experience in this area of life. But what you think you can get from me, I’m for sure.

I’d rather not be a summer fling late at night. Knowing when the leafs start to fall,

I’ll never get another text, another call.

I won’t set my self up for pain and frustration.

Knowing your not worth any of my patience.

You’d never come around, never be there for me, never be someone who saw me more than just a passing fling, a passing glance.

I already now when I care I care hard. So when I love I’ll love hard. But it won’t be for you. I won’t give you that chance.

I’m deserving of someone better than that, right?

If anything this taught me it’s that someone else will come around.

If someone like him could ever think of me, however demeaning it is, the way he did. 

Thank you for showing and for having me knowing,

Things aren’t hopeless for me yet

But what of this feeling I cannot shake. What if every time a boy looks at me the way he did, I don’t like it. I don’t like it when they look at me I get sick to my stomach and fearful. Will everyone be like him? Wanting something but never giving anything far more precious in return.

Or am I crazy and overthinking. Is what I'm feeling lust. Not loss. Sickness and fearfulness is just butterflies and jitters of something new and splendid. Something that hasn't happened aloud but only in my deepest dreams. 

The hopeless romantic that I am makes emotion and fear along with wanting and thinking for the best coincide next to each other. Holding hands as if you need both to have what you really need, know what is really there and expect nothing less than a miracle for what you really want.

You know…… if you think about it just right:

Fear is irrelevant. Some of the best things come out of fear. You need fear to survive and move forward. What would happen if you let it control you and you lose out on the chance of something really, really great? I think that’s something more fearful to me than a guy looking at me as someone special or as someone not so much.

Always taking things one day at a time is an expertise of mine. Even writing this I'm still trying to figure things out. There won't be a day that I won't be over thinking trying to wrap my mind around everything from my college major to the ever so lovely confusing, confusing art of boys.

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Probably the most personal thing I've ever written and there is a high possiblity that I'll take this down the moment I put it up. So if it is still up and you are reading this right now a little back story: everything written was a little something that happened to me at the beginning of my summer break. I went to a party and this guy came up to me. The rest is in the story/poem thing and..... yeah. It's the first time anything even remotely close to that happened to me. Very, very inexperienced I am haha. It started out as a poem but it got too hard for me to write in rhymes so I gave up about half way through. You could probably tell :P Don't take pity and please tell me exactly what you think. Am I a dumbass? Too emotional? Totally wrong in my interpertation of his intentions? I'd really love to know haha, I'm still trying to figure it out. Well, If y'all could leave a like or whatever it is called on here (if you liked it of course)  I'd appreciate it :) I haven't gotten one yet and I think it would be nice to know what it feels like to get one lol xD Anyway byez!!!