Fifteen Layers Deep

Chapter Two

Back at the house after a long and eventful day at school, I find myself laying on the couch, flipping through suggestions on my Netplix account on my laptop. Everything looks so boring today. They haven't come up with any new good shows in a while. Ever since Weirder Happenings: Season two ended, I haven't been able to find anything good enough to keep me entertained until the next season comes out. Another year from now. A whole freaking year. What am I supposed to do with my life until then? Binge watch Aveter: The Last Wind Shifter for the fourth time? I don't think so. If only they would finally invest in a bigger budget to make an actual good movie for it. The Last Wind Shifter? More like The Last Movie I'll Be Watching.

In my intense boredom, my mind drifts back to the earlier conversation with Valeria today. She still hasn't returned home. Majoring in Computer science has kept her quite busy and out late working at school these days. Things have been getting intensely lonely and boring in the house. No wonder I've been left to sit and drift deeper and deeper into the depths of my mind, bringing out all its dark and depressing thoughts. It can't ever just drift into happy and joyful thoughts when left alone, now can it? Like, it wouldn't hurt to think of all the delicious cake I was just eating and all the amazing friends I have in my life, now would it?

Speaking of food and friends, for some reason Valeria's last words today at lunch keep playing over and over in my head. Almost as if she's here sitting next to me right now, I can hear her saying "I've known you for a long time, and that's why I can say that sometimes, I think you may be lying to yourself that you've never thought about wanting those things."

It just keeps going again and again, paying special attention to certain words. "I think you may be lying to yourself that you've never thought about wanting those things."

Again, it refines itself to "You may be lying to yourself."

An image of Valeria enters my mind. It leans in towards me slowly, getting closer and closer to my face, almost making an evil expression. All of a sudden it bursts out in rage "YOU LIAR!!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAH," I scream as I jump so hard that I fall off of the couch, dropping my computer onto the floor with me, nearly breaking it in half. Scurrying to pick up my laptop and checking to see if it has attained any injuries, I plop back up onto the couch and sigh for what seems like the millionth time today. They say that sighing shortens your life span. I guess I'll only be living to about half of the age I was originally supposed to then. Sigh...

Oh wait. Shit.

Thanking god that my laptop is still okay, I place it beside me on the couch. Leaning back into the pillows and staring up at the ceiling, I begin to think that maybe Valeria was right. Maybe that's why her words won't stop playing in my head.

The next line she had spoken finally follows. "I just want to be sure that you're not hiding that you feel that way sometimes, just so that you don't make other people worry about you or think that you're not strong."

I guess I really do hide my true feelings sometimes.

For me, proving that I am strong has always been one of the most important things. I don't want others to view me as weak because of my phobia. It has always made me feel inferior to them because I get so afraid by such a silly thing as a person brushing up their shoulder against me. How is anybody supposed to be seen as strong if they get scared by such harmless things?

I can only wonder.

When I was a child, I got teased so much for this that the only choice I had was to become strong in every other way that I could. Especially since I didn't want "that person" to ever view me as weak again.