Who Could Love Me? (Jerome Valeska X Fem Reader)

Bittersweet

TW: Domestic violence and self harm, I know our world sucks and please if you live in a home like this, PLEASE get help. I speak from personal experience, staying there is not worth it. You should be loved by your family and friends not abused. Things can and will get better.

    Every day felt heavy and after all these years it surprising you're still full of anxiety whenever your father is home. Your parents have been divorced for a couple years now, but your mom has always had a difficult time letting him go. It didn't matter who he hurt, you, your brothers, your grandpa, your uncle, even her; she always went back to your father. She left him so many times over the years you've lost count, but it was always just a matter of time before she went back to him. The countless times you and your little brother pleaded with her to leave him for good would fall on deaf ears. It's hard to break the cycle of abuse, but you don't know how much more you can take. You're an adult now but they still treat you like a child. You've never been allowed to leave the house on your own for any reason. 

     You were threatened to do your best in school, so much so that you weren't allowed to leave your room until you finished all of your homework. Growing up you learned to enjoy your solitude because there was no use in trying to fight your father. After a while of being in college that wasn't enough, they said you needed a job but then if you tried to apply anywhere, they would say you shouldn't have a job and you need to focus on your studies. It's always been that way, anything you did wasn't enough for either of your parents. 

     When you won a competition to go across the country on a school trip it wasn't "wow I'm so proud of you (Y/N)," it was "you're the most expensive child. How much money have we spent on her already? Probably thousands of dollars." 

     Being the only daughter meant you were forced to do all the household chores and your dad did not hurt you as badly as he did the rest of your family. It was still painful to witness everyone else being threatened. Then if anyone tried to stand up for themselves or others, it would just cause more problems. When you were a child, you would cry yourself to sleep hoping he'd change but the older you got, the more violent your thoughts became. Yet you wouldn't hurt him, he terrifies you too much.

     "Is the food ready woman?" Your dad calls from the couch.

     "Not yet" your mom replies.

     'He's old enough to make his own food,' you mentally curse at him while you wash the dishes.

     "Can you get me some water!?" He shouts.

     "(Y/N) get him some water." Your mom flips the food onto the sizzling pan.

     You shut off the water and dry your hands off on your pants. 'Why can't he get his own water?' You begrudgingly grab the biggest cup from the cupboard, 'All he does is sit and sleep on the couch all day.' You pour enough water to fill the cup, 'I don't want to exist but if he dies first that would be nice.' You head to the living room and hand your dad the cup with a fake smile.

     "Thank you," he says. You turn to walk away but he stops you "wait." He drinks the entire cup of water in a matter of seconds. "Bring me some more water." He holds the cup out to you.