Confusion (On Hold)

The interview

My heart was pounding louder than anything I had ever heard, and I could feel it pulsing against my chest, contracting and relaxing while pushing the blood through my veins. I kind of wished it would stop, just so I could think clearly. Ever since I got up today, my brain has felt clouded over, like a lemonade on a hot summers day. But the fact that I couldn't think was NOT refreshing in the slightest. It was worrying. The seconds on the clock ticked by and every one felt like an hour, my worry and anxiety rapidly multiplying into something so huge I couldn't breathe. My legs were automatically pacing in a small area of the corridor, back and forth and back and forth and back. I was so nervous my hands were quivering by my sides. Relax mia. Just relax. It's not like your entire future depends on this next interview. NOTE THE SARCASM PLEASE! Okay okay I know I'm not helping myself. But it's true.

Taking in deep gasping breaths to try and calm my ever rising nerves, I waited for my name to be called out. A man peered out of the door, and I forgot to breathe again. I have got to stop doing that. I just froze up, and let his piercing blue eyes glare into me. "Maria Westen?" He looked down at god knows what behind the door before correcting himself " Maria Wescot?" I tried to smile, but my lips went all tight and wouldn't do what I wanted them too so it probably looked more like a grimace. Great. All he had done is call out my name and I had already screwed it up. I really didn't want to seem like I didn't want to be there, so I waved shyly instead. The man scowled at me, and I felt a flush race up to my cheeks. Great. Excuse me to go die in a hole please thank you!

In all seriousness though, this was just pure awkward. He was just standing there scowling, and I was just standing there grimacing and waving like a maniac. Great first impression mia. He already hates you. "You're 5 minutes late ma'am" the cheeky devil! I'd been stood outside for over an hour before my appointment, and he was the one who ran overtime with the last interview before me. Why was he so god damn rude? "Excuse me?" The wind felt like it had been knocked out of me, and I was trying with all of my might to breathe steadily. I was normally fine. No breathing issues whatsoever. The man sighed loudly, and my palm itched for me to slap his cheek. My nerves and common sense prevented me from going through with the action though, and both of my arms hung loosely by my thighs again. "This way please" was he talking to me? He didn't say my name. In fact, he didn't say anything other than that. I didn't even notice my legs were moving until I was in the office and my hand was closing the door behind me.

The room was small and wooden, all different shades and styles combined into one. It looked businesslike yet unique, and I liked it instantly. "If you were to get the job, you would have this office" the man went over to a desk and sat down, motioning to the seat opposite him. I walked slowly over to it, taking in the intricate detail of the carved desk. It was pretty and took my breath away. My throat refused to work, so I didn't bother to talk. I just sat down in the chair, finding little comfort from the pressure of my bag on my thigh. It was the only thing holding me down from drifting away.

This was my dream job. The wages could get me back into college 10 times over as well as paying for the mortgage of every house on my street. It was a ridiculous amount of money, but the company was desperate. They were so picky with their writers that as soon as they found a good one they wanted to offer them something they couldn't refuse. The man in front of me was the head of it all, although I still couldn't remember his name. I had only read it once and the number after it was more useful to me. At least, that's what I thought initially. Now, it didn't seem like a bad idea to try and get on his good side if he has one... My brain was racing with different ideas, none of which I could put into action without his name or knowledge on what he likes. Damn damn damn I knew I should have read the biography about him this morning, but I wasn't sure if it was him I was seeing. All of this time I had zoned out, I could see him talking but I couldn't hear him. It sounded like I was in space, so quiet and peaceful. I loved it. Then, the edges of my vision went black and red and I saw the mans surprised face looking down at me before my vision went completely. My last thought was why am I going to sleep now? This isn't the best time or place to lie down... Then I was gone.