Saints and Sinners

"I'm handling this..my way."

You love him.
you do.
and here's the miracle:
he loves you too.
You are allowed
to lick off the colour from his lips
to listen to the hymns of his pulse
to bask in the sunlight of his voice.

You are allowed
to have him.

You love each other,
you do,
and here's the tragedy;
it's not enough.

You are allowed
to watch the sun swallow him whole and burn him up
to stain your fingers to the bone holding him together.
To count the constellations in his eyes as they blink out.

You are not allowed
to save him.

***

Zayn's POV~

I believe in the kind of love that doesn't demand me to prove my worth and sit in anxiety. I crave a natural connection, where my soul is able to recognize a feeling of home in another. Something free-flowing, something simple. Something that allows me to be me without question. I believe that sometimes you meet someone, and it's so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you're in love or you're partners in crime. We all meet these people throughout our lives, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don't know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it defiantly makes me believe in something.

Looking at Edward now, I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to the start of who we were. Before I fell in love with him, we were best friends. Or maybe we were best friends because I knew I loved him; some small part of me, all along, knew. Like our souls had met before. In another life time perhaps.

In the beginning, I always hated watching his fights. I couldn't stand them. Every time he'd take a hit my heart would lurch into my throat. We quickly decided that I would stay home and wait for him. After the fight he would drive himself over to my place. I'd then sneak him in and clean him up. He'd crash in my room; usually on the floor. I'd tried to convince him to take the bed, he would always refuse. He never explained, and I never asked. Just the thought made my fingers itch. Wanting to reach out, to touch him. In hopes that in some way he'd be able to unravel his soul in palms of my hands.

I always knew there was something unusual about us. Something deeply spiritual. The way we fall into one another; so naturally. Like our love was carved of the earth. There are solar systems bursting at our fingertips when we touch.

We are in tune.

Our hearts croon the same old song.

The universe planned for us. I know it. I know it.

"So where's the other half?" Liam asked. Edward reached under the collar of his shirt, and pulled out a necklace. The same necklace I'd taken from his car the night of the accident.

I'd asked about it once, Edward just said it belonged to someone he used to know. I'd thought, jealously, he'd meant an old girlfriend. The sudden realization of how wrong I'd been made my heart twinge shamefully. "It's a two-part encryption. The necklace just tells the real key who we are." "So it shows us the cipher." Liam muttered, Edward nodded.

"Alright, then let's crack this bad boy open."

Liam and Edward were huddled together on the bed, with Liam's laptop and both halves of the key. It took quite a lot of work to reverse the encryption, let alone sort through it all. They'd been working through it for hours. The sun would be rising soon. But finally, Liam spoke. "Jesus,"