(was limpidity, just changed the name and cover)
it's more than harassment.
it's more than stress.
it's more than heart break.
everyone encounters something in their life that turns it around completely.
others for the good, majority for the bad.
...
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nineteen
leaving the gym, the ravenette's head was swarming all over the place. thoughts upon thoughts, scenarios, memories, everything was replaying over, and over again. looking up, the sky was painted grey, along with the rest of his world. this thick, colourless blanket had wrapped itself around the boy. a defense mechanism? was it comfort? was it something he should embrace or try to break free from? all these questions had exploded within his mind, almost as if they wanted to break free as well.
with all the complications going on in his head, he didn't notice that his legs had taken him home. once realizing, he unlocked the door, stepping inside. the all too familiar aroma invaded his nose, scrunching it in the process. kicking off his shoes, his eyes glance over the living room, remembering his night with younger, other than the anger and abuse.
"yoongi? is that you?" he snapped his head to the shaky, feminine voice. a voice that was once calming and warm. walking towards the sound, he see's his mother in the dining room, dressed in jeans and a long sleeve shirt, other than a vest and shorts. he noticed how skinny his mother was, breaking his heart, but making him angry at the person who did this to her.
once meeting eyes, she gives him a comforting smile. he's not sure if something is wrong or beautifully right.
the sound of the door unlocking and light music invades the house, signally jihoon came home. almost walking past, he spots the two and joins them. confused and shocked. she ushers both the boys to sit down beside her.
moments of silence have past. ticking from the clock, breaths and feet kicking back and forth, a voice is finally heard.
"i'm sorry."
that was all it took. both boy's minds clicked. their heads turned, almost as if she was a magnet and they were the metal. it's as if that's all they needed. all the anger and betrayal they have felt was simply vanished. why do they feel this way? nothing happened, all she did was apologize. an apology that meant the world to them.
"i'm so sorry, i'm sorry for everything. i'm sorry for dragging you into this mess, i can't believe i did this to my babies." her voice was cracking, just looking at her children broke her. so much time has past, 5 years of choosing drugs over her kids. 5 years of life experiences she has missed out on.
"it's okay. mom." jihoon had said, putting his hand on hers. that slight touch was all she needed to break down. tears upon tears, everything coming down. that title, she didn't deserve it. she was anything but mother. she remembered all the times she was rude,all the times she chose that man over her kids. no, she lost that title the day she first laid eyes on that man. she could never forgive herself.
"i wanted to talk to you both. i wanted to apologize for these last 5 years. i don't expect you to forgive me because i can't forgive myself either. i was anything but a mother to you two and i am so incredibly sorry. i am so sorry i let that man int our home.i just- i just want to make things right, if you two will let me." she looked up to both of her boys, jihoon's eyes were brimmed with tears, and hope. his mother was back, she was going to save them, everything would be okay.
yoongi was looking right into her. reading her as if she was an open book. he knew her, past and present. he's known her since she was 17, even if he couldn't talk, walk, or doing anything without her. he's known her clumsy, quirky self. he also knew her depressed and confused self. he remembers how happy she was in their flat with yoongi, jihoon, and their father. but he also remembers how sad she was when his father left a note, along with his wedding ring.
"you do know that you missed 10 birthdays? 5 christmas's. jihoon's grade 5 graduation, my grade 8 graduation. that, we could somehow manage to get past, but the moment you let him lay his hands on us, the moment you yelled at us for defending ourselves.- she was about to open her mouth but yoongi raised his voice- i'm not fucking done. when you abandoned us for him, and fucking drugs? i know we were going through rough time, but you went that fucking low? what would be the price for the drugs if you didn't pay with your body? us?-"
"yoongi hyung, stop-" jihoon tried to interupt as she was his mother squeezing his had, and heard her hiccups, realizing all she's done.
"no. i know how she is, if anything, she needs this. now, did you even know who the fuck we were when you were doped up? do you know how we're doing? do you know how fucked up we've been? do you?" he said, raising his voice in the last part of his speech, looking directly into her eyes. he's done what he wanted
he broke her. he broke his own mother. did she really need it? or did he want to her to feel like shit? what ever he's done, it got his message across. after 5 years of being silent, he wasn't going to let this go to waste.
"i-i know what i did, and i regret everything, if i could go back in time, i would of never left the flat that night. but i don't have any super powers or a time machine. but, i'm begging you guys to help me change, and be in my future. i want to be clean. i want to get out of this drug filled, depressing house. i want to rearrange our lives back to the way it was. i want us to be okay. i know my apology is late, but i really want us to make it through." she said wiping her tears, looking at both of them.
"but you apologized, we never thought you would do that, we never thought we would be able to talk again. i know i forgive you, you're still our mom." jihoon said, warmly smiling at her, still holding her hand.
she turns her head, extending her hand towards yoongi, eyes pleading he will join them.
he takes the cold hand, holding on as if he doesn't want to let go.
"so what's the plan?" he asks, a smirk on his face.
maybe things would be okay.
m a y b e .
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lmao, hi. it's been 10 years. i haven't updated because of the wattpad glitch, and because i've had writer's block. but now, IM ON A WRITING SPREE!! school starts september 5th and i want death.
