Dear Diary

entry 10

what the hell 30 people are interested in my diary that's not creepy at all .-.

well anywho what can i talk about think think think,

nothing bad exect for the urge to kill my friends girlfriend. I don't know its just that shes such a horny teen and I want to do is when my friend talks about her "requests" is how much she doesn't deserve them. Just realized i gave her access to my account so we could work on a book together. check it out its called 'A rouges attention' were working really hard on it she does a chapter i do a chapter  I want to go into details just read it for yourself she's working on chapter 2 as we speak. I'm so happy were doing this again. reminds me of sixth grade. talking about sixth grade these sixth graders on my bus are like my new best friends. 

there all very interesting to talk to.But i have a tododeku picture on my home screen and my friend told me not to show the new kids anything on my phone because i'll sacre them. I feel like i have dyslexia i'm forgetting how to spell certain words and when i pronounce them i still cant spell them. I'm on my way to earning the literature degree HA HA HA HA kill me.

I usually only post on this book when something interesting happens in my life. well maybe. I figured out my limit. the line. my breaking point.

my line so sane to insanity

my breaking point to were I fight someone

I finally know where it stands in my life. I deal with an extremely abusive sister that messes with me on purpose for her own entertainment. It's the little things that get to me. A family is your emotional home its where your suppose to feel safe. But how am I going to feel safe when my mothers never home my grandpa doesn't care enough to do something, and I have an abusive sister.

Im a pacifist as in I don't get physical with people but  that doesn't mean I don't feel anger and rage. It means I have enough FUCKING DIGNITY NOT TO KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS AND IN FRONT OF YOUR DRUG ADDICT FRIENDS. She says I'm weak. The things she's said to me hurts me in places I didn't even know i could feel. I'm impulsive but unlike HER I DON'T DO WEED. I DON'T WANT TO THROW MY LIFE AWAY. IM NOT CONFUSED I KNOW WHO I AM JUST BECAUSE YOUR OLDER THAN ME DOESN'T GIVE YOU RIGHT. IT DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TOP HIT ME EVERYDAY. TO HARASS ME EVERYDAY TO WHERE ATTEMPTING SUICIDE IS A DAILY.

THATS NOT NORMAL. THATS NOT HEALTHY I ALREADY HAVE EMOTIONAL SCARS DO YOU HAVE TO HURT ME. EVERY SINCE I GOT BACK FROM THE NORTH SIDE OF AMERICA SHE SAID SHE MISSED ME SHE DID SHE GAVE ME A HUG AND EVERYTHING THEN SHE FUCKING ABUSES THE HELL OUT OF ME TO WHERE I CAN'T BREATHE. SHE KNOWS HOW TO HURT ME. BUT SHE WON'T STOP. EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE IT FEELS LIFE A CYCLE OF PAIN AND TRAUMA. I HAVEN'T HAD A DREAM IN MONTHS BECAUSE OF HER. MY MIND THE ONLY PLACE WHERE I THOUGHT I WAS SAFE IM NOT CAUSE SHE WIRED MY BRAIN TO WHERE ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS MY NEXT ATTEMPT AT SUICIDE. FOR ALL SHE FUCKING CARES I SHOUKD DIE. MAYBE MY NEPHEW SHOULDN'T HAVE AN AUNT. MAYBE MY SISTER DON'T DESERVE A YOUNGER ONE. the only part of my family that cares about is days away from and in different states. the only part of my family that cares is my fathers side.

I can't deal with this pain if my mom doesn't stop my sisters im calling child support. My living environment is crap and the only good thing about this place is my cat shadow. my beautiful beautiful itten. is the only thing helping me cope with this pain. just typing this hurts me physically. I've needed to vent for years now. i'm calling child support tomorrow....no child deserves to be through what i've been through. this is a pain i would never want to inflict on someone else. this is my breaking point.