I know, you want to see me smile,
I know, you want to see me laugh,
I know, you like my lips turned upwards,
I know, you like the sound of a throaty laugh,
I know, you like it when there are crinkle and sparks in my eyes,
I know, you treasure these moments,
These moments that you've stored in your mind to remember and remind yourself of the good old days and tell these tales of you and me going back and again on the flashbacks,
I just know that you love me, you care for me, and you try to keep me happy,
But, but.
It isn't enough,
Telling me that everything's gonna be ok, this isn't enough,
Sure, maybe someday, but it's not, not right now,
And now is what matters,
I'm bleeding now,
I'm not smiling now,
I'm digging my nails in the flesh now,
Leaving these imprints,
There are crescent moons on my body,
I have tears streaming down my cheeks,
Mascara streaking black,
Burning eyes,
Red nose,
Redder eyes,
Puffy lids,
Moist lips,
Dripping wrists,
The screams aren't doing justice to my heart,
They're never going to reach anybody,
Only sobs can leave, not the screams,
There are people out there,
They can't listen to me breaking,
You're out there too,
All my happiness is gone,
Left is only me,
And this emptiness,
Where there is only crying and more crying,
After one cut and another,
I'll survive,
Don't worry,
I'll come out of that closed door,
Alive,
Because the matter,
Is not to die,
But to be numb.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Love,
XO.
