Oh, Lucy

Chapter One: Biggest Mistake

Somehow this is what my life had become. A series of hospital rooms, a series of mixed professional opinions. Always a different venue and hour, never the same figure donning polyester cotton blend medical scrubs. A needle prick in this arm, an IV in that arm. Test after test after test. The systematic utterings of the phrase this might sting a little had become a sick chant in my ears. I'd done so many urine samples I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to pee on my own time again.

This was my life.

But it hadn't always been. Actually, up to a little over three months ago, I'd had the best life around. I'd been normal in just about every sense of the word. Yet that was all abruptly ripped away from me after a routine check up revealed that something was off. My physician couldn't help but notice the slight tremor in my hands as we spoke about eating right and my exercise regimen and then proceeded to sit my mother down and ask about our family history only to find that 50% of it was basically nonexistent.

Soon I was submerged into the overly-hygienic world of hospital testing rooms, undergoing any test that the array of doctors my mother insisted on appointing could think of. Yet, with a virtual lack of history from one side of the family, finding what was wrong proved to be much more strenuous than they thought.

She blamed him for all of this, my father, or well, more like his nonexistence.

If I'd only used a condom; if I hadn't been so drunk, my mother would say.

I wouldn't be here, mom, I'd mutter back in response and that would effectively shut her up.

Even though she would never say it aloud, I knew she secretly wished that I hadn't been born. I was a living, breathing reminder of her biggest mistake and everything that occurred after my birth had been the result of her insistence to take back control of her life, of making up for her silly mistakes- or mistake- during her college years.

And just as she insisted on achieving normalcy in her life after I was born, I insisted on proving my worth. I did everything I could to make up for my existence, maintaining a virtually perfect GPA and joining every extracurricular I could think of throughout the past 17 years of my life.

But it'd all been for nothing; my failure was engrained into my very DNA. All of my hard work proved to be unfruitful when even my own genetic code highlighted the mistake I was.

"Hello, thank you for meeting with us so quickly." A nurse greets, my mother quickly stands up, ushering me up with her. "We have her results ready if you'd come with us. Right this way." The nurse guides us to the neurologist's office, where Dr. Harrison, one of the oldest additions to my mother's team of medical experts, sits with a grim expression on her face as we enter the room.

"Hello Mrs. Mason, Lucia. Sit, please." She states, forcing a smile for the sake of niceties.

"So doctor, what's the news? Have you figured out what she might have?" My mother questions, never one beat around the bush.

"Well as you know, I've been monitoring Lucia's neurological patterns for over three months and examining her for any abnormalities in her motor and sensory skills and what I've found is not good to say the least. She's shown a steady decline in performance over the course of two months that's suggestive of the early stages of a neurological impairment."

"Neurological impairment? I'm top of my class. I cannot be neurologically impaired." I counter, offended by her words. Sure I hadn't been at the top of my game the past few months, but that was only due to the incessant testing I'd been having to undergo which didn't allow me to fully focus on my studies or on anything really.

"I see you're wearing your glasses today. Tell me, Lucia. Have you been having any issues with your vision recently? Had trouble focusing on objects in a room?"

I shrink back into my seat, not wanting to be further scrutinized. "No, of course not. I'm just wearing them because my mom rushed me out of the house." I comment sourly.

"How's your handwriting? Sloppier than usual? Do you have trouble recalling things? Learning new material at school?"

"Woah! What's with all of the sudden questions?" I shoot back, growing anxious. "What exactly did you find?"

Dr. Harrison lets out a small sigh and pinches her nose before pulling out her files.

"My team and I believe that the symptoms you have been showing are correlative with early onset Huntington's disease. It's one of the few diseases we agreed upon that would be able to negatively affect her cognition so intensely at such a young age. "

"Huntington's? Like the neurological disorder? That's impossible!" My mother cries angrily. "Such absurd diagnoses are not what I'm paying you and your team for, Dr. Harrison."

"I know it's hard to wrap your mind around Mrs. Mason, but we believe she inherited the condition from her father. We'd need to do a genetic test to confirm, but so far that is the only diagnosis that fits all of your daughter's symptoms. I wouldn't deliver a diagnosis like this without doing extensive research. We've exhausted every other possibility, Mrs. Mason. Do you consent to testing Lucia for HD?"

My mother replies with a sigh, beaten. "Okay. She'll do it."

It was my turn to be angry now. "Mom you can't be serious! I do not have that! Like you said, it's impossible. I'm the goddamn top candidate for valedictorian of my grade! I'm class president!"

"I know honey, I know. But she's right. It wouldn't hurt to be tested, just to be sure." She says, resting a hand on my shoulder to calm me down.

I shrug it off, not meeting her eyes.

"Lucy, please." She says, her voice taking on a begging tone that catches my attention enough to get me to look up at her, making me notice the pleading look in her eyes and just below the surface, the barely concealed fear that finally makes me give in.

"Fine whatever, you can do the test. It's not like I have a say anyway."

I am defeated.