the random shit in the notes of my phone

asher

Asher has nobody to support him. Except me. I am his somebody. I realise this too late. I am the person who cares, who really cares, when nobody else does. I'm surrounded by so many people that care about me that I never stopped to think that other people could have nobody to care for them. To care about them. I never realised I was the only person he trusted. I was so caught up in my own little catholic high school girl mind, playing with boys cause we're so desperate.

r u coming

ill be waiting just text when you get here please come

please

please lexi ill do anything im so lonely

please

I made excuses not to hang out because I knew my parents wouldn't let me, and I was too weak to lie to them. I never realised these were his cries for help. I never realised that I was the only person on this earth that he trusted with all his heart. But I pushed him away. Of course I did. Always going around fucking people's lives up with what I lack as a friend. I made excuses. Excuses like 'sorry I can't make it, I'm going out for dinner', or 'I have a birthday party on that day', or 'dinners ready brb'. These are the lies that cover the harsh truth. We both knew we were breaking, especially in those last couple of weeks.

I let him down constantly.

I'm scared he's going to snap one day.

And I'm so so scared that he's gonna try to kill himself again.