DESTINY

Chapter 8 - There's no turning back

                Just when she thought everything is working fine, for the nth time, she knew she was doomed, again. She is alone and her heart is broken, but there was something different – she didn’t blame anyone. There was no hatred towards another being. It was her choice, her choice of not being hurt but rather, to be true to herself and to the people she cares about the most. Robin Hood, her soulmate and her son, Henry. They made me see that there’s more in me than mere evil. I am no longer the Evil Queen and I don’t want to be that person anymore. Hearing herself, she thought of the Regina she once knew, the Regina she once were, perhaps the Regina she has always been. Innocent and not hungry for power, the woman who, ages ago, never wanted to be a queen but desired only to be with the man she loved. She’s that person again, or maybe, she rediscovered that part of her again. She’s someone who’s willing to do things for love, things that aren’t dark, things that don’t involve other people’s sufferings, things without vengeance. Daniel told me once that true love is the most powerful magic of all and it can overcome anything. The thought of Daniel made her start to cry. But every time I try to love truly, I end up like this. Why does it hurt so much? Am I not worthy to be loved? Images came flashing on her mind. The moment her mother crushed Daniel’s heart, when she chose revenge over her father, when she was in the castle with king Leopold and Snow White being the queen of nothing, when the younger Henry saw her as the Evil Queen, when Emma broke the curse and kept her son away from her, when Cora died in her arms, when everyone in town didn’t show any appreciation when she has saved them all, when Robin rushed into Marian’s arms, the thought of Robin probably hating her because she got Marian killed, and the countless times that she was all alone. She felt her blood gushing through her body, strongly pulsating and her forehead vein felt like it could explode in any second. She was burning hot and there were patches of black on what she sees, she’s turning evil.

“It can overcome anything,” she smirked, saying it to herself.

“Then love again”, she heard Daniel’s voice in her head repeatedly and saw visions of her and Robin. And before Regina knew it, she was sobbing uncontrollably.

                o-o

                Here we go again. How can I say this? Emma thought, asking herself. She was driving her car with Robin opposite her, she peeked at him and she saw him sitting quietly, smiling. She wanted to just keep quiet and don’t tell Robin about Marian, but what would she be risking? Keeping the truth to herself, with Hook and Regina, and the possibility that someone else will know and tell Robin about it. Either way, Regina won’t be happy. If she has prepared herself to the potential consequences that may arise from this, I should just tell Robin anyway.

“Emma… Emma?” Robin called her repeatedly to no response. He tapped her arm and she was startled, stepping on the breaks, pulling the car over. “Whoa! Good thing the road is straight and empty,” Robin exclaimed.

“Oh sorry,” Emma mumbled. “I was just…” and her voice trailed.

“Were you lost on a trance or something?”

“I was just thinking about something.”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

Emma looked at him, his face filled with concern. “No.”

“Okay. I won’t force you to tell me,” he smiled. “But can I ask you something?”

She looked at him and stopped for a while, his grin transformed into an expression of curiosity, she didn’t blink, then she nodded.

“Where did you find Marian?” His face unchanging, his eyes conveyed confusion, his desire to know the answer grew every passing second.

WOW. I didn’t see that coming! Emma thought, her grip on the steering wheel going stronger. She took a deep breath and looked away from Robin. She released herself from the seat belt, opened the car door and stepped out. Robin did the same and followed her. They were in the middle of the road with no one but themselves. Until now, I don’t know how to say this! Emma stared back at Robin, his attention was fully on her, waiting for her words. “I actually don’t know how to say this,” she said honestly.

Robin just watched her, “I just want to know… how I lost her.”

“Sometimes, answers just bring in more questions,” Emma said trying to persuade him not to push on the topic any further.

“Have you ever wondered why someone had left you? You don’t know if it is their choice or they were just left with no choice. You just wake up one day and the person you love is gone. No how’s, no why’s, she was just… gone.” He was looking at the woods, probably trying to find comfort and familiarity, longing for the feeling of being home. It seemed that he could wait forever to know the answer.

Emma felt like someone stabbed her right in the chest, she remembered Neal. How he left her without any explanation and how she loathed him because she didn’t understand. Because nobody told her anything, he just left. And right at that moment, her sympathy was with Robin Hood. “Actually yes, I’ve been there. It’s hard, huh?” Robin just nodded. “I want to tell you first, there are just things we can’t understand, we can’t readily accept and… truth sometimes hurts but there are people who choose the truth because they no longer want to live in lies,” Emma begun with her answer, thinking about Regina.

“I am not sure what could hurt more than losing a person you once loved,” he said trying not to cry.

Knowing that she was gone because she was killed by the person you love NOW, maybe that would hurt more. WHAT THE HELL! Emma’s voice is shouting in her own head. One way or another, I will tell him about it anyway! And so she looked at him and took few steps closer to him, her hands were shaking so she put them together to stop them, she bowed down and stared on her hands, “I found Marian on Regina’s cell,” she whispered just enough for Robin to hear.

He stood there, astonished by what he heard. His first love actually died in the hands of his supposed to be soulmate. What a twisted fate could it be? His heart started beating faster than it ever did, he was upset, he was confused, enraged, disappointed and speechless all at the same time. His hands clenched into tight fists, his face turning red, his every muscle is trembling, he’s feeling the heat escaping his body, his temper preceding him and just like that, he fell onto the ground, his knees bent. His head parallel to his hands that are already untightened but still shaking then he began weeping, keeping his head lowered. Emma was frozen by Robin’s reaction as she was confused and has no idea how to console him. She tried to help and pull him up but he resisted. He kept his head down not wanting Emma to see his tears and so she just let him cried quietly for a quick minute. And when he managed to wipe his tears a bit, he stood rapidly and ran to the forest.

Emma watched him go, with tears still dribbling in his eyes, clenched fists, a heart broken and love potentially ruined. Then she remembered Regina and thought, I didn’t mean any of these.