MY FIRST LOVE | DonKiss

Chapter 9: The Other Rookie

I opened my mouth and nothing came out at first.

I knew this was bound to happen. I had prepared myself for this, hadn't I? I was ready for this.

When you open a woman's heart, and you have no intention of loving her, what does that make of you?

A coward, I was told.

I was not a coward, however.  I had every intention of loving her.  I had wanted to stand up for her.  I was so sure about her.

Alright, then.

When you love someone and lose them without putting up a fight, what does that make of you?

A bigger coward.

Being called that was something I deserved.  I had been the bigger coward for two years. I knew how I felt, and I knew how she would feel.  Yet, I never resisted. 

I just left.

***

-Two and a half years ago-

I was packing my luggage. I didn't pack all of my clothes because I could never use all of them in Illinois. They would really need to buy me new clothes for fall and winter, my parents said.

"Hijo," Yaya Patring called out from the door. "Naku, ikaw talagang bata ka! Bakit ngayon ka lang nag-eempake? Diba nung isang araw ko pa pinaalala sa'yo ang flight ninyo bukas? Tapos sinabi mo pang nakaempake ka na?"

I scratched my head as she started pulling clothes from my closet and laying them nicely by my bed. Kabisado talaga ni Yaya ang mga paborito ko.

"Yaya, alam ko kasi na di naman ako mahihirapan. Nandyan ka naman lagi para tulungan ako." I said sweetly. I would miss my Yaya. "Hindi mo naman ako matitiis." I added lightly.

"Ikaw ha, namimihasa ka, Tristan." She said. "Hindi yan puede kapag nasa Chicago ka na. Wala kang Yaya doon. Wala kayong house help. Kung dito, di ka naghiheat ng pagkain mo sa microwave, doon kailangan mong matuto magluto ng pagkain mo. Kailangan mo na ring matutong maglaba, kung hindi, wala kang isusuot..."

She went on and on about the differences between my life in the Philippines and abroad. Kung puede ko lang sana syang isama, kaso, wala syang visa. Yung passport nga nya, nag expire na.

"Matuto ka na rin na magcommute at gumamit ng subway kasi hindi lahat ng lugar, convenient na magdrive. Dapat matuto kang makisama sa mas maraming tao pero wag kang aasa sa kanila, kahit nga sa magulang mo." She added kindly.

She was now busy folding my clothes and packing them neatly into my luggage.

"Uso doon ang nagpapart time job, kung hindi, para kang iresponsableng bata. At dahil magpapart time job ka, kailangan mong matutong mag-aral nang walang nagpapaalala sa'yo kasi mahirap makahanap ng kaibigan na kasing tyaga ni Isai..."

I stopped fiddling on the hangers. I had avoided straying my mind with the thought of her because I still could not believe it. I was leaving Isai.

As if sensing my sadness, she had stopped blabbering. I looked at her and saw that she was looking at me rather pityingly. She sat beside me as she held on to my favorite hoodie.

"Nagising na nga raw pala si Isai?" Yaya asked, but it was more of a statement. I nodded simply. "Nakausap mo na ba sya?"

I shook my head, smiling to make light of the situation.

Puppy love lang naman to, sabi nilang lahat.

My parents brought me the good news na nagising na sya 2 days ago. They had to rebook our flights because that was my only wish. I wanted to make sure she was okay before we would leave. She had been sleeping for almost two weeks when she finally woke up. I was in tears when I learned this, and begged for them to allow me to see her.