I rush out of the room and into Bri's bathroom tugging on my hair. Tears begin cascading down my cheeks and I turn towards The mirror seeing someone I didn't recognize. What is this girl doing to me?
I sit down on the bathroom floor, leaning against the wall before I find myself laying down. I stare up at the ceiling and just feel numb, wondering if this was the right decision.
Yes Shawn it was.
She would have died without help.
You saved her.
Although my conscious was feeding me positivity, I couldn't help but feel insecure. Tears start cascading down my cheeks and I begin sobbing, so overwhelmed by everything that's happened in the last few hours.
I wish I just died
The statement from the girl that I love. I punch the tile hard until my knuckles go numb and then I stand up and look in the mirror. Puffy eyes, swollen face. I splash water before walking out of the room and over to the chair next to Bri. I notice my phone lit up with notifications so I look down and see texts from the hockey team.
Bryan: biggest party around (insert address here) right now, come!
I stare at the text debating. Maybe that's what I need. A drink. Maybe a drink will take all this pain away, make everything better. I turn towards Bri and plant a kiss on her forehead.
"Goodnight darling. I'll be back I promise. I just need to take away the pain." I sigh, taking one last glance at her sleeping body. I walk out of the room, passing Kyle on the way out.
"Where are you going?" Kyle asks and I sigh.
"I need to do something but I'll be back I promise. If she wakes up just tell her I'll be right back." I say before rushing out of the hospital. I hurry down to my Jeep and hop in, putting the address in, directing me on where to go. Every foot closer I get the more anxious I feel, not sure if it's from Bri or the party I'm about to walk into. I park on the side of the road and head in quickly, saying a quick hi to people greeting me and walking right to the kitchen.
Shot after shot after shot.
My vision was impaired and everything seemed foggy. I felt light and free, however this pain inside wouldn't go away. My breathing began to quicken so I run out to my car.
Just chill out
I hop into the driver seat, knowing this is probably the worst decision I'll ever make, but I promised I'll be back, and I'm sick of being alone.
Immediately when I put my foot on the gas, I lunge forward too quickly, but then find a steady rhythm. I was seeing double, but the empty roads weren't the problem. That is, until I see headlights in front of me. Not knowing where exactly the car is, I swerve to my left and break as fast as I can, leaving me diagonal on the street. I put my head in my hands and cry. Cry out of stupidity, the fact that Bri's not here and just the overall feeling of overwhelmed. Nothing was going right for me.
I put the car back in drive and make it to the hospital without a problem, occasional swerving here and there. I head straight up to Bri's room and sit in the chair I was in before. I look at her body and notice the color coming back to her. Her lips went from blue back to their light pink and her skin was no longer pale. I watch her begin to stir awake and I grab her hand.
"Shawn?" She asks looking up at me.
"Yeah. Babe I'm right here." I say, trying to hide the slur in my voice.
"Are you drunk?" She asks and I sigh.
"I had a few drinks." I say and her eyes widen.
"A-and you drove here? Shawn what the hell." She croaks, her voice still hoarse. I feel tears fall down my cheeks and I lean my head against her arm.
"I'm sorry Bri. It just hurt." I cry and feel her hand comb through my hair.
"Come here." She says, lifting up the end of the blanket. I slip into the bed and pull her body close to mine, being careful with everything attached to her. "I don't want you getting hurt. Please don't drink and drive, please." She pleads and I nod, my head on her chest and my arms around her waist. Her head rested on top of mine and she combed through my hair with one hand while the other hugged me closely.
"I'm sorry. I won't do it again. It was a mistake I should have never left you." I say and she shushes me.
"Shawn we all know how much you like to use your phone while driving, the last thing we need is to involve alcohol." Bri chuckles and I return it, missing the sound of her laugh.
A doctor walks in and notices us before smiling. She walks over holding a chart and glances down at it before back at us. Bri and I sit up, waiting for what thee doctor has to say.
"Hi Brielle I'm Doctor Grey, I will be your main doctor for the next few weeks that you'll be in here." The doctor says letting off a small smile, to which Bri and I return. "So you came into the ER today unconscious from the lack of nutrients in your body. When our bodies don't have enough nutrients and vitamins to run off of, our organs begin failing and essentially that's what began happening to you. So Bri, is there any reason in particular that you don't eat?" Doctor grey asks, sitting at the edge of the bed, giving me a sympathetic look. I look down at my hands and shrug.
"I don't know. I mean weight loss started out as me losing weight for junior year but then it became an obsession. I guess my weight loss was just to look good but now I'm just a skeleton." I say and Doctor Grey nods.
"Do you feel any pressure at home to lose weight or maybe around friends?" She asks and I shake my head no.
"No. Everyone I surround myself with is always super supportive. They all were trying to get me to eat." I say and the doctor stands up nodding.
"Well I'm going to do a quick physical exam." She smiles and Shawn slides off the bed and onto the chair. The doctor checks my heartbeat, blood pressure then starts examining my actual body. She looks at my back and begins to focus on that.
"How many sit ups a day do you usually do Bri?" She asks and I look down, feeling embarrassed.
"Around 400." The doctor scribbles something down on the board before continuing the exam. Once it was over she backs up and lets off a small smile.
"Well Brielle your body has some real damage. You're blood pressure is extremely low as well as your heartbeat. And I can tell just by looking that you're developing early osteoporosis. When was the last time you got your period?" She asks and I blush lightly, embarrassed to have Shawn in the room.
"Um I don't know. A few months?" I say and she nods writing down again.
"Brielle we're doing this to make sure you know the effects eating has on your body, not to embarrass you or hurt your feelings. But your case is very severe. Your heart stopped beating yesterday. You may look at eating as just another chore during the day but I can assure you it's not." The doctor sighs and I nod. She pulls something out of her clipboard and hands it to me. "This is your schedule. Since you have a feeding tube you don't need to worry about going for meals. You need to go to therapy and physical therapy everyday."
"Physical therapy? I thought the whole point is to make sure we don't move and just eat." I say and the doctor nods.
"Well in some cases like yourself, you need to regain strength. We'll be adding calories for the physical therapy." The doctor says and I sigh.
"And how much weight do I need to gain before I can be released?"
"Brielle it's not just about the weight. We need to see your reactions to food and an actual desire to get better on your part." The doctor says and I nod, glancing over the schedule.
"Ok. I'll get better."
