Back to Wuthering Heights

Part 3

Dear diary,How long is been since Heathcliff left? At first I thought it was a bad dream and I'd wake up to meet him there, ready to take my jokes, to endure all I wanted to pour on him while he looked at me with a threatening look of revenge, unable to fulfill it in the end. Now I know it's real, he's not here, he won't come back. He's too proud, the fool. I wonder if father took him out of hell to bring him here. I don't know anymore if I'm as bad as him because I learned it from him or if we together could make the flames of hell burn even higher. Is he still alive? Does he think of me? I feel so stupid, the only thing that matters to me now is he'll never forget me, wherever he'll go. He must be alive, I can feel his rage here, far from his body. I know him better than myself. I bet his thirst for revenge is the only thing keeping him on his feet, until he realizes we're not near, and then... then I hope he feels the same way I do. At night in my dreams I seem to see what he sees and to hear through his ears, to forget everything when I wake up. It's so hard not knowing. I feel so terribly bad, at times I just want to damn die at last. I actually almost died of the fevers that keep me lying here. But I have to get cheerful and pretty for Edgar. Lonelier than ever before, that's how you left me, dear Heathcliff, and I'll give the piece of my heart still beating to this discreet and polite young man.He hardly had exchanged a few words with his fellow sailors, he'd rather grudge resignedly when he had no other choice than answering. That's why he felt astounded at having quite a long chat with a guy who, for some reason, had addressed him while he was devouring an apple lying against the mainmast. He spoke of the new world across the ocean."Have you ever been there? It's a place full of chances. Can you imagine, boy? To start a new life forgetting everything, to become a new person without issues from the past."He didn't look just like a simple worker. He could be an adventurer, maybe a bored rich man or a fallen aristocrat. Playing the piano seemed to be the destiny for his fingers, not the hard task on board. In fact, he hid them in his leather gloves when the breeze began to run faster between the ship sails."Tell me... What are you seeking, running away in this ship? What do you escape from? Because you're escaping from something, right? I can read it in your face. Or should I say... from someone?""That's too much, damn meddler" he thought. He was about to send him away. But his last sentence stopped him from doing so. "There's no irreplaceable woman in the world. Trust me, I know what I'm saying.""You have no clue" he snapped with contempt."Oh, so that was it, a heartache, huh? You'll forget her, you'll see, sooner than you can imagine. You should meet those women across the ocean, pretty and fully free. Women here seem about to break into pieces if you look at them twice." He straightened up and got away from that moron before they threw him out to the sea after cutting his throat off."Do you know the Cape of Good Hope?" the other continued on, as if unaware of his move. Heathcliff didn't reply, he just stared at him through his fringes with an unreadable face. "No, naturally... It's one of those places that change your life. You feel conscious of passing from one ocean to another. It all seems just water, nothing else, but it's not the same. Well, life is similar, you know? We may change of world although we're still in this one. The air, the sun, the stars; all remains the same, but the world changes for us, our world changes. Remember this the next time you meet a pretty woman. Thank God, I'm on the practical side of the matter, without courtships and paraphernalia, but you seem too young for me to share certain details with you... Have a nice day!"What could a cheap sailor know about HIS world? "Poor devil" he said to himself, hurriedly moving away in search for any task to engage.However, it wasn't the last time he heard his unsolicited advice. The next one was a review of the best places to try fortune across the Atlantic. To his surprise, given his story was true, he himself had left England the first time like an illiterate guy with no other big hope than earning fast money. He had to admit he felt a little more intrigued about that part."Do you know? You remind me of myself at your age. I was the same taciturn, the same introvert, feeling I could do on my own. No, I didn't run away from any woman, I just was as poor as a rat, so I decided to try my fortune in the new continent. But I did met many heartbroken men embarking to forget, just like you."