Goodnight

16

Three things are apparent to me as I come out of my uneasy sleep. I am in an unfamiliar hotel room, there is someone sat at the end of the hard bed on which I lay and underneath the thick white covers, I am naked. I am not concerned about the last point as my clothes must have ripped when I changed and of course when I changed back, clothes did not magically appear.

Wiping away the sleep from my eyes, it is clear to see that this was the cheapest hotel available, tacky wallpaper and carpet, hard mattress, dodgy little bedside tables.

"Zev" The voice is soft, familiar but my brain struggles to grab a name. Why can't I remember? "Zev, Zev. It's me" The stranger lays a gentle hand on my shoulder and it sit up, wrapping the covers around me and getting as far to the top of the bed as I can. It was instinct, an action made without thought but that isn't normal. We do think, our kind are nothing more than human brains in animal bodies, instinct is only ever human, never animal.

I turn my head slowly, as if whoever is sat there is a wild animal and could flee at the slightest movement or sound. I breath a huge sigh of relief when I see tousled brown-blond hair, large grey eyes and slightly tanned skin. Bade. "How did you...? I become suddenly self conscious, tightening the covers around me.

"I watched you with him the day before you left. I was going to go in and get you but you came out instead. I took my eyes away for a second and you were gone. I found you in that flat and-" He seems to babble, the words tumbling out of him like they had been locked there, waiting to be set free.

"Don't talk about that" My voice is barely a whisper, my eyes down. I cant bare to look at him, to see the disappointment.

"We have to." His voice is soft again. "go clean up, I put some clothes in the bathroom for you"

I swiftly leave the room, dragging my mass of sheets into the bathroom and then chucking them back out through a small opening in the door. I wasn't prepared for what I see when I look in the mirror. Blood. Dried and flakey, it sticks to my face, around my lips, cheeks and down my neck. I turn the shower on, the heat of tears pricking my eyes and make the water as hot as it will go.

The feeling is real, normal. I scrub my body until the soap is a tiny blue sliver, and my skin is pink and hot. The clothes that Bade had given me are really pyjamas, fleecy and comforting. The thick material feels good against my skin, like a thousand tiny hands patting and stroking, telling me everything will be ok, that I'm not a monster. I take a deep breath, my hand gripping the handle of the bathroom door. I want to go out there, I want to talk to him and be reassured that it is all over, that everyone back home is ok. But if I do go out there, Bade will want to talk about what he saw, what I am becoming. I don't think I can handle that, it is much easier to pretend that everything is normal.

Pushing the door open, I smile at Bade who is patiently waiting for me.

"The clothes are comfy" There is a strange atmosphere and I can't think of anything to say.

"Zev, you know we need to talk about this" He is serious, determined.

My smile drops, I had hoped that I would have more time before he brought it up. Sitting on the bed, cross-legged, I try to make my face look neutral. I don't want to give anything away this early. "What about it?"

"Well for starters, what the hell was that!" His raised voice startles me.

"I don't know" He goes to speak, argue that I must know but I continue. "I don't know Bade! Its not like this is normal, we don't...do that" My voice fades, confidence seeming to be sucked out of me.

"What is that?" His voice is perfectly calm, even. I hadn't noticed that I was nervously tracing the raised spiral on my arm.

"Nothing" I pull my sleeve over it. It makes me feel less like I have done something wrong.

Bade grabs my wrist, a little to tightly. He pulls my arm closer to him and pushes the sleeve up, examining the scarred little shape. "This is not nothing. What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything" I don't mean to spit the words at him but I do as I yank my arm away from him. "It doesn't matter"

"Are you hungry?" What is wrong with him? Why does he change subject so suddenly and why is it only him that came to find me?

Bade goes to one of the bedside tables and produces a green plastic bag, tipping the contents onto the bed, in front of me. A mess of crisps, chocolate and bottles of pop and water are strewn in front of me. I pick up a bag of oinks, and begin to silently consume the bacon flavoured rings. Bade goes for a bag of dairy milk buttons and a bottle of coke. Once I have finished my crisps, I drink a whole bottle of water, not realising how thirsty I had been.

All is fine for about five minutes but my stomach begins to churn, rejecting the normal food. I run to the bathroom, hunch over the toilet and heave. I don't know how long I am there for and I don't know when Bade came in, patting my back and holding my hair, but I continue to throw up the contents of my stomach until there is nothing left and I collapse in an exhausted pile on the bathroom floor.

Bade's voice reaches me through a haze. "You can't eat normal food anymore Zev. You aren't one of us anymore"