The Dark of Ages Past-An Enjolras Fanfiction

Chapter 7 The Color of Despair

A/N: I'm sorry.

*******************************************************************************

"It's the hour when night breaks away from day, my dove, let me go."

                                         -Jean Genet, The Balcony

Chapter 7 The Color of Despair

Enjolras

I break into a run. Gavroche's words echo in my head. It's Lissette, she's hurt. I imagine her lying in the street, her golden curls matted with blood, the light fading from her green eyes...No. I shake my head and push my legs harder.

It is only when I hear a small, frightened voice right beside my ear that I realize I am carrying Gavroche; I must have picked him up before I started running, though I don't remember doing it. "Turn left, Monsieur." He repeats. I duck down the side street.

I don't know how long I run. It feels like forever. The seconds drag on and I fear I will never reach Lissette. Every now and then Gavroche gives me another direction and I obey mechanically, never taking my eyes from the street ahead of me. I can hear in the boy's voice that he is crying and that scares me; Gavroche is tough, he wouldn't cry unless something was really wrong, unless Lissette was....

I shake my head again, not wanting to finish the thought.

Finally we round a corner and I see her, propped against the wall of the alley, her eyes closed. I drop Gavroche and run to her. Somehow he manages to land on his feet, but I am not paying attention; my eyes have just spotted the dark red stain spreading across the front of Lissette's blue dress.

I drop to my knees beside her small, motionless form. "Lissette?" My voice breaks. I cup her face in my hands and pat her cheek lightly. "Lissette?!" I say again, more desperately. A lump so big that I can barely breathe is forming in my throat.

She opens her eyes. "Enjolras?" she whispers.

"It's me." I take off my jacket and begin tearing it into strips to make a bandage. I tie them tightly around the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. Lissette winced. "It's okay, I'm here." Blood seeps into the strips of my once tan jacket. Too much blood. I pull her onto my lap, cradling her against my chest. "It's going to be okay." I whisper again, brushing the hair out of her face. "You're okay. I'm here."

"Enjolras." Lissette whispers. I barely hear her. "Enjolras." she tries again, louder this time.

"Shh." I soothe her.

"France." she insists.

It breaks me. The nickname that only she uses, that I will never hear again when she is....

I can no longer hold back the tears filling my eyes. They stream down my face. Some deep, rational part o  me realizes that it is too late, that there is nothing I can do but hold her. I fight back a sob; I have to hold it together now, for Lissette. You can break down later. That rational part of me speaks up again. Right now is all about Lisse.

I try to control my tears as I meet Lissette's green eyes. I try for a smile. "Guess I know why you were late." The remark falls flat, but Lissette smiles anyway. That smile. My heart lurches. I cannot live in a world without that smile.

"Sorry." She says weakly. "What did you want to ask me?"

A strangled sound escapes my throat, somewhere between   laugh and a sob. I reach into my pocket and pull out the velvet box. I open it and extract the ring with shaking fingers. "I...I wanted to ask you if..." I swallowed hard, fighting to keep my voice."If you....would marry me?" My voice breaks on the last words.

Lissette let's out a shaky breath and I can tell she is fighting back tears of her own, but her cheeks are dry. She always was braver than me. She closes her eyes. I want to protest, to insist that she open them so I can lose myself in the forest green orbs while the life is still there and die myself when it fades, but I can't force my mouth to form the words.

"Yes, France." Lissette whispers, then grants my unspoken request, opening her eyes. "The answer would have been yes." A single tear squeeze  out of her eye an  I brush it away.

I take in a long, tear-soaked breath and then take her left hand gently in mine and slide the ring onto her finger. Lissette struggles to lift her head to mine and I close the distance, leaning down until our lips touch. She gasps in pain and I rest her head back on my chest, pressing my forehead against hers. She smiles weakly and I know that she is going; the light fades just slightly from her eyes.

Lissette lifts a pale hand an  places it on the back of my neck, cradling it. "I don't want to leave you." she sobs.

"And I don't want you to go." I choke, my voice barely audible. I am trying to memorize her face.

Her roaming eyes meet mine with more intensity than I would think possible. I barely hear the words she whispers. "I love you, France."

The small body in my arms relaxes and I know Lissette is gone, but still I choke out my response. "I love you, too, Lisse." I kiss her forehead, squeezing my eyes shut.

A small voice rises hesitantly behind me. "Monsieur Enjolras..."

I had forgotten the little boy was there. "Go home, Gavroche." My voice comes out surprisingly calm. The realization of what I have just lost has not come yet.

"Are you sure you don't want--" he protests.

"No." I interrupt sternly.

"But I just thought--"

"NOW!" I yell, whirling around to face Gavroche. He takes a step back an  I immediately regret yelling at him  but I have to be alone right now. "Please." I add in a whisper, my voice breaking. He turns and runs away just as the sobs come, clawing their way up my throat. I bury my face in Lissette's hair and cry until I feel like there is no water left in my body, until my eyes are raw and my throat aches from whispering and sobbing and screaming her name.