The Dark of Ages Past-An Enjolras Fanfiction

Chapter 8 My World If She's Not There

A/N: Shout out to Wanderer97 who wrote most of this chapter because I couldn't bear to. You're awesome! Go check her out!!!

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"If you live to be 100 I want to live to be 100 minus one day so I never have to live without you."

                                                                                                        ~A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

Chapter 8 My World If She's Not There

Enjolras

When Gavroche comes back I am somewhere between sleep and wakefullness. There is no peace in it, no rest, just a vague numbness for which I am grateful. I don't want to think. if I think I see Her.

I don't notice gavroche until he puts his hand on my shoulder. I flinch, opening my eyes.

I immediately regret it. I am still holding Her. The blankness on Her pale face brings tears to my eyes again. And here I thought I couldn;t cry any more.

The little street urchin kneels beside me. "Monsieur Enjolras, I'm sorry." he whispers. "It's my fault...I should have protected her. I shouldn't have run off..." I can hear him crying.

I shake my head. "No, Gavroche." my voice is barely audible, just a hoarse whisper. "It's not your fault."

"Yes it is! I'm the one who...who..." he sobs.

I steal one more glance at Lissette and lay her body gently on the ground, pulling Gavroche close to my chest. I push away thoughts of Lissette; it is time to focus on the living.

 "Shh, shh, Gavroche." I whisper. "It's okay. It's okay." The boy clings to me, sobbing into my shoulder. A wave of guilt washes over me as I realize that he is hurting just as much as I am, and I sent him away. No one should have to face this kind of pain alone, especially not a child. I vow to myself that I will never abandon him like that again.

After a while Gavroche's tears dry up. he sniffs a couple times and looks up at me, a little angry at himself for not being able to control his tears.

"Sorry, Enjolras." he mutters.

"You have nothing to apologize for." I reply, wiping the tears from his cheeks. I am rewarded with a small smile. "In fact, I owe you an apology." My voice is still hoarse, but it doesn't break, which surprises me. "I shouldn't have yelled at you; I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He hesitates, glancing at the ground beside me where Lissette's body lays. "I brought some things so we could..." he trails off, biting his lip, and nods toward a small cart resting a few feet away. Inside it are a shovel and a few blankets.

I swallow the lump rising in my throat and nod. "Thank you, Gavroche." My heart aches for the boy who tries so hard to be a man. Children should not have to worry about burying their friends. No one should.

"You don't have to help me." I offer, standing up.

Gavroche stands up next to me, taking my hand and squeezing it in his small fingers. "I'm not gonna let you do it alone."

I smile weakly at the little boy. I really am glad to have him beside me. "All right, then; bring me one of those blankets."

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I stand at the edge of the hole Gavroche helped me dig and stare into the unending darkness that miorrors the pit in my heart. It seems as though the black goes on and on forever, swallowing everything without mercy.