Delicate

Chapter Four

       

Winter 2017

Sat curled up on the sofa with my laptop on my knee and a cup of coffee on the table. Outside, the rain is pelting hard against the window and the wind is howling. And I am happy.

Over the last few weeks I have been able to think about what it is I actually want to do. London has already begun to feel like home with its busy streets and people who are too busy to even look at you. It feels so different to where I grew up but that is what I love about the city. I know that I definitely want to stay here but I can't stay here without getting a job or at least something that fills in my days. That is why I am sat here, scrolling through sites with different universities on.

So many of the universities look beautiful just in the pictures alone. Some of them look like they have just been taken out of a classic novel or been used as a set for Harry Potter. They make me want to go on that basis alone. I have to keep reminding myself that I need to look at the courses and can't just go on the architecture alone but then when I look at the courses, the decision doesn't look to get any easier. There are so many different courses for writing. Do I want to study journalism or creative writing? Do I choose a course with joint honours? There are even some universities that offer courses on writing on the internet.

When I lived in Kentucky, I chose a university that was close to home so I didn't have travel because I couldn't afford the cost of going any further. There they didn't have as many options so I just went with an English literature course and majored in that without thinking about the future. Now I feel like there are so many possibilities for me. I only break out of my trance when I hear my phone ringing.

"How are you my love?" a sweet voice on the other end asks when I pick up.

"Oh you know, enjoying this beautiful British weather," I reply just as another loud howl of wind blows outside.

"It really is not the best," Karla chuckles. "I was wondering if you wanted to come over to mine?"

"You know I was joking about the weather being nice?" I ask her while raising an eyebrow even though I know she can't see me.

"I know but my flat mates have all gone away for the night so I thought you might want to come over. It's still early after all." She says and I wonder if I should tell her that ive got my pyjamas on and its only seven pm.

"Ordinarily I would love to but its already dark outside and it is, as the British would say, pissing it down. Can't we just meet up another day?"

"We can if that's what you want my love," I hear her reply on the other end.

"Well I don't want that. I would love to see you. I feel like it has been forever since the last time I saw you." I tell Karla while I take a sip of my coffee.

"It has only been a couple of weeks my love. Why don't I come to you instead? Assuming you're not busy," she asks.

"I have no problem with that as long as you're willing to travel an hour or so in this storm," I say back to her, with a laugh in my voice.

"Anything for you my love." Her voice answers back on the other end so I tell her my address and the easiest route to get here.

Once I've hung up the phone I decide that it is probably best to get changed out of my pyjamas so I throw on a pair of ripped jeans and an old tee shirt. I leave my hair in a screwed up mess on the top of my head though.

About an hour later there is a knock at the door and Karla is standing there, soaked through from head to toe.

"You are a fool," I tell her as she walks in.

"I am a wet fool. I forgot about the fact that once I am off the tube I have to walk from the station to your house."

"And that was the whole reason why I didn't want to leave my cosy house. Do you want a towel?" I ask her, watching as water drips off of her and onto the floor creating puddles.

"Please," she replies so I run upstairs and grab her a towel along with a change of clothes.

"Do you want something to drink? I've got coffee, hot chocolate, juice," I ask while rummaging around in my cupboards.

"Do you have anything stronger?"

"I'm pretty sure I've got a bottle of red somewhere," I tell her while searching around for it. "Ahh here it is." I find it in the back of a cupboard.

I take the bottle and a couple of glasses into the living room and take a seat on the sofa next to Karla. I tell her about my day and about some of the universities that I was looking at. She listens intently, not interrupting me but letting me say what it I have to say. She smiles all the time while I am speaking as well and any doubts that the uni route is not the right decision for me vanish.

"That all sounds great my love," Karla says when I finish speaking.

"It is. I just need to decide what uni and what course I want to do and quickly. The deadline for most of the applications are in January."

"You'll be fine and if you need any help then I am here," Karla says while leaning over to give me a kiss on my cheek.

"Thank you but surely you have your own work to be getting on with?" I ask her.

"I'm a woman, I can multitask my love," she says before lightly brushing her lips against mine. "There was something else I wanted to talk about."

"Go on," I encourage her even though my heart is beating at one hundred mile an hour.

"Someone I know at uni works part time for an online magazine but she is leaving soon because she wants to focus more on uni. I thought this would be perfect for you and your love of writing," Karla says with a huge smile on her face.

"Do you know what kind of writing it will be?"

"It's a problems page. I don't know if that is anything you're interested in but I thought I should let you know."

"Thank you. I'll definitely look into it." I say, meaning it.

The two of us continue talking and drinking, laughing over everything and nothing. There are numerous times throughout the night where Karla leans over and brushes a piece of hair away from my face or lightly strokes my cheek. They're only small acts but leave my heart skipping a beat. Then, when I'm not really expecting it, she puts her lips against mine again. Greedily I take in her in, pushing my lips back against hers. I feel her hands move around my body, first against my face, stroking my cheek like she had previously done. Then down the side of my body, brushing against my breast, catching me unaware so I gasp into her mouth.

For a moment I allow her to continue, enjoying feelings that I haven't felt in so long but then her hand moves further down and it takes me back to a place I don't want to be.

"I'm sorry but can we stop?" I ask her rather breathlessly.

Karla nods her head but I can see it in her eyes that she is confused.

"Are you okay my love?" she asks.

"I'm fine. I just wasn't ready. I thought that maybe I was but I wasn't."

"Do you want to talk about?"

I shake my head at her, not really sure how I would get the words out.  "Maybe another day," I say back to her, wondering when that days will be.