Naughty Addictions #Wattys2019

Chapter 9

Lexi

I want to forgive him, I want to believe that he's ready to be in a committed relationship but, how can I do that when he's been dishonest with me. The whole time he was talking, I imagined he was Dylan and for a second, I felt better. I imagined Dylan holding me in his strong arms; his cheek resting against the top of my head as I rest my head against his chest listening to his heart beat. Without warning my bubble bursts and once again I'm standing in front of Tripp. He seems to be saying something but, I'm not listening because all I can think about in this moment is Dylan; hooked up to machines, unconscious, unaware and possibly dying. The reality of this slaps down hard and I suddenly feel overwhelmed and angry.

I watch as Tripp drives away, and it feels like a part of my heart goes with him. I tuck his phone number into my pocket and stand in the driveway for a few more minutes feeling lost, confused, abandoned and devastated. What do I do now? I'm not ready to give up on Tripp but I love Dylan and it pains me to not be by his side. Leaning against my car, I stare into the distance and notice the sun is lying low on the horizon. It'll be getting dark soon and I bet there aren't as many nurses on the nightshift, maybe I can sneak into Dylan's room. I wait and watch as the sun sets. The sky grows darker by the minute until I'm able to make out the constellations. The stars shine bright in the night sky as I drive to St. Matthews.

Instead of going through the main lobby, I walk around back and wait for any unsuspecting staff to open the doors that only medical personnel can use. Ten minutes go by and I'm starting to get antsy, then someone walks out. I wait until their out of sight and rush over to the door, just in time to grab it before it locks shut. I'm a little nervous I may run into someone in the hallway but, no one is here; all is quiet. However, if I run into someone I'm sure to be caught. Stepping lightly through the hallway, I come upon an open door. The TV is playing but, no one seems to be watching. I notice a white lab coat hanging off the back of a chair and quickly put it on before someone notices. I feel a little more confident now but, I'm still nervous. I make my way through the halls and the place seems empty, I haven't run into any medical staff, which seems odd. I manage to make it to Dylan's floor and now my heart is beating faster. The anticipation of seeing him again has stirred up so many mixed emotions making me feel overwhelmed. Standing at the end of the hall, I can see Dylan's room but, a nurse's station lies between me and my man. I can tell that she isn't paying attention and is busy doing something; even so, I don't want her asking any questions. I've made it this far, I don't want to get caught now. A loud alarm suddenly blares, and the nurse rushes off in the other direction and before I lose my chance I slip into Dylan's room.

My heart stops, Dylan isn't here. The bed has been stripped bare, the breathing machines are gone and all of Dylan's flowers and cards have been removed. Maybe they just moved him to a different unit? Or Maybe he died? That last thought scared me the most. The way I feel right now, I just want to shut down and shut out everything in my life but, I know I can't do that. I need to get out of here before the nurse comes back and I'm caught. I run past the nurse's station and back toward where I started. The whole time I'm running, everything in front of me starts to lose focus. The memories that Dylan and I have shared up to this point are rushing through my head; his smile, his warm hugs, his piggy bag rides. Before I can stop myself, I'm crashing into someone, we collide and fall to the ground. Regaining my senses, I look toward the person I crashed into; he looks back at me and his eyes widen.

"Hey, that's my lab coat."

He goes to grab me but, I slip from his grasp and crash through the doors, barreling out into the parking lot. I glance back and see the man is coming after me. Throwing the lab coat to the ground, I sprint to my car and peel out of the parking lot as fast as I can. The drive home is painful, I have no answers and I'm an emotional wreck. The thought of Dylan not being a part of my life hurts so much that I need to pull over. I pull into a Costco parking lot and park toward the back where no one can see me, at this point I'm crying hysterically. I can't stop thinking about Dylan and why this is happening to me. After a while, I realize that I'm no longer crying but, my face is dry and I'm dying of thirst. I decide to walk over to the Costco gas station to get something to drink and as I pull a wad of cash from my pocket, a piece of paper falls to the floor. I bend down to pick it up and remember that Tripp game me his number. I look at it longingly for a second, then I'm distracted by the attendant clearing his throat.

"Will that be all for you Mrs.?

"Um... yea, thanks."

Walking back to my car, I put Tripp's number on my dash and stare at it, contemplating whether I should call him. I try to think about what it would mean to me if I did call him. Does it mean I forgive him? Does it mean I'm giving up on Dylan? I'm not positive about what happened to Dylan, they could have moved him. If I call Tripp and start things back up with him, I could lose Dylan forever. What the fuck do I do? Leanne would tell me not to give up on Dylan and to sleep on it. Honestly, though, I don't see myself getting any sleep tonight. The more I sit here, the more alone I feel. I need to talk to someone, I need love and support. Tripp did tell me he loves me and with everything that's going on right now, he may be my only chance at a happy life.

"Lexi?

His familiar voice brings me comfort and I feel warm and safe.

"Tripp, where are you?