Yolo Swaggins

Disco Thranduil

~Meanwhile, In Mirkwood~

Legolas quietly walked through the halls of Mirkwood, dipping his head to the guards alongside him.

Tauriel suddenly walked up to him.

"What troubles you?" Legolas asked immediately, sensing her urgency.

"It is your father...he's acting...strange..." she said, picking her words carefully.

"Lord Thranduil? He's always strange." Legolas almost laughed, before stopping himself when he realized Tauriel was serious.

"He keeps screaming crazy things like, 'Doom, he's the worst known' and 'put your hands when I can see 'em!'"

"What has gotten into my father?" Legolas wondered aloud. "Come Tauriel, we must investigate."

The two elves walked towards the king's private chambers. Legolas creaked open the door to see Thranduil doing some weird dance thing and making weird faces.

"BUT FIRST, GOTTA TAKE AN ELFIE!" Thranduil made another weird face, looking at his hand in which he held up.

"An elfie?" Tauriel asked, confused.

Thranduil finally noticed them.

"Come on, Sonny! Come and join me! It's lots of fun, soon you'll see!" Thranduil did a weird dance and made another crazy face.

"Dad..." Legolas facepalmed.

"Come on, Leggy and Leggy's girlfriend, put your hands up where I can see 'em!" Thranduil started doing what looked like flailing around with his arms in the air.

"Dad!" Legolas could almost not take it anymore. With his weird teal glasses, he looked like a hipster.

Then, from Legolas's worst nightmares, Thranduil started...rapping????

You be careful crossin' the street
Hey Leggy, you forgot your things, hey Leggy

I got a job at the palace
Doin' some fightin', dancin' and fixin' borders
Yeah they got me like a flunkie monkey
I'm runnin' around with ten kilos on my head
Oh wait! That's ma crown

And I'm holdin' the paces
With a million dollars on my lap
In front of your faces
Ha RIP you peasants
You're tryin' to ignore it
But I can follow your eyes
And I know you're lookin'
At the things that I got cookin'

I can see those wheels
Goin' round in your heads
Thinkin' bout what you would do
With ma wines and breads

But ya think
But ya think
What if you get caught
Cuz I catch ya
And I throw ya
In the dungeons
Like those filthy dwarves
You think you can beat me
But I'm just a bit rougha
And I'll make you SUFFA!!!!

You say it's not fair
That I take all the wealth
But life's not fair
So suck it up for your own health

My elk was a good elk
He was better than that dwarf
He thought he was a king
But he was just a smurf

A smurf a smurf
A pigheaded smurf
Runnin' round like a chicken
With his head cut off

But me
Well me
I'm a masterpiece
I'm a masterpiece
I was born to be
A masterpiece
A fabulous
King like me
Could never be chosen
Cuz I can't be beat
No I can't be beat

I make my own beat
And the sound of my music
Is a sound so sweet
A masterpiece
A masterpiece
All you peasants
Can't be as good as me
As good as me

That's why you aren't me
You peasants
You peasants
You wear such rags
And with every smile
Your tails just wag
Like filthy dogs
And slimy frogs

That Thorin
That ungrateful oaf
He had no more worth
Than a breaded loaf
And he walked around
Askin' people
Do you know da way
Do you know da way
To ma mountain
To ma mountain
But truly he had a mountain
Of a head
Do you know da way
Do you know da wa-a-ay
Do you know
Do you know
Do you know
Do you know da waaaaaaay

Oh peasants
Oh peasants

Oh peasants
Oh peasants

I came all this way to say
Nope
I came all this way to say
Nope

I came all this way to say
Ain't nobody got time for dat

Ain't nobody got time for dat
For dat
For da-a-at

I came all this way to say

Bye peasants!

Thranduil stopped rapping then, leaving both Legolas and Tauriel speechless.

"O-okay..." Tauriel was the first to speak.

Legolas began to feel faint. "Dad...why?" he asked.

"Cuz burd is da wurd and ya know it!" Thranduil said.

At this point, Legolas could see or hear no more, for he had fainted.