Runner Girl

Chapter Fourteen

Thankfully, the locker room is devoid of people, and I strip off the ruined dress as fast as I can, trying not to think about the fact that tons of people, maybe even Rakesh, just saw my unimpressive breasts. I'm embarrassed, but it's deeper than that; I feel violated in some way, like they saw more than skin out on the dance floor. It's ridiculous, but I can't shake the feeling that when my dress came down, all my new classmates saw a little piece of my messed up heart and mind, too, and any minute now Janel or one of the other girls is going to bust in here and tell me that she knows I'm an imposter, that I'll never have what it takes to be a cheerleader, and that I'd be better off going back to my old school and forgetting I ever met them.

God, maybe I should, I think, tugging my sports bra on over my head and slipping my arms into one of my familiar running shirts. How do you even recover from being the girl who flashed everyone at the fall dance?

I sit down on a bench and drop my head in my hands. Other than my stupid foot, I'd really been starting to like everything about this school. Sure, I still miss my brothers, and I still resent my dad for what he's done, but he's barely around, and I've almost been able to pretend that I'm just living in the city having a crazy adventure all on my own. Some adventure; maybe I've got a career in porn instead of running.

I don't know why my dress snapped, but I do know one thing; I never want to face anyone who's seen my topless, even if that means I have to avoid Rakesh forever.

Soft footsteps sound on the tile floor behind me, but I don't look up. After a moment, Coach Cypri's voice pierces my gloom. "I heard you won."

I risk a glance at her, wondering if she's laughing at me, too, like all my classmates probably still are, but her face is unreadable. I sigh heavily. "If that's what you call it."

She holds out her hand, and I realize she's brought the apple with her. "You got the apple. You get the prize."

I laugh bitterly. "The only prize I want right now is for this night to have never happened."

She studies me for a moment, but then she simply says, "Done."

I snort. "Right. I wish it were that easy." No gift certificate or whatever it actually is is going to help me now.

Cypri shrugs, but her eyes glitter with something I can't name. "It's only ever as easy or as hard as you make it. Now, don't you think it's time to go home?"

My shoulders sag. Even my coach thinks I've screwed up past the point of repair if she's telling me to go home instead of giving me some syrupy pep talk about moving on from minor setbacks and getting back out there. Without looking at her, I stand up and grab my bag, kicking the dress further under the bench. "Fine. I'll see you on Monday."

I go out the back way, cutting through the door at the back of the locker room instead of going out to the gym and facing everyone again, and even though it's dark outside and I'm alone, I'm too numb to be worried about walking through the city at night. My misery must create some kind of protective shield around me or something, because I make it back to the apartment without anyone even glancing my way. When I get inside, I strip down, remove the cast, and hobble into the bathroom to take a long, hot shower. Even though I stand under the water until my leg starts to ache, nothing can erase the memory that plays on looping repeat in my mind; the sensation of water on my chest, the stares of my classmates, and their whispers and laughter as I fled.

Feeling pathetic, I crawl into bed and burrow under the covers, wishing it could be as easy as Coach Cypri said.

***