Paul Blart: Homicide Detective

Lung cancer

With every step I could feel my heart grow larger and beat harder. If I managed to get through the day without needing a new heart it would be a miracle. This was it. I was going to meet my idols. The boys that had been the source of my no-homo wet dreams for so long now. We stopped in front of interrogation room three and Ice once again gave me the 411,  "We split the boys up so they wouldn't be able to make up some story. The first one is Zayn Malik, 20 years old." Zayn. That name gave me shivers. I slowly reached for the door handle and pushed it open. I had to gather all of my strength to make my feet move into the room. And then, there he sat. He looked even more beautiful in person. He was smoking a cigarette and looked so mysterious. I was starstruck. I sat down and let Ice start talking first. I knew my voice wouldn't work. "Alright Mr.Malik, first of all how did you get a cigarette in here?" Zayn took a slow drag and then blew out the smoke. He stared for an entire 3 minutes until he spoke, "if I don't smoke them, I die. You can ask my doctor." Incredible, he was such an icon. "Oh my bad, there's a doctors note right here. Anyway can you tell us what happened last night? And how did you end up in the same room as a dead girl?" Ice was using his I'm-not-messing-around voice and I knew he meant business. I looked back to zayn and somehow he now had two cigarettes in his hand. He took a long drag on both of them and took his time answering. "Officers, I hate to say this, but last night, I was so stoned out of my mind that I don't remember a single thing. I was like 'vas happening' and then it's all blank." Ice looked at zayn as if he had 2 heads. I got angry. Ice didn't understand, he didn't know these boys like I did. How could he be so fast to judge. "Well dawg that's very unfortunate for you. You have no alibi for the time the girl was murdered and apparently no memory. Let's hope your other friends have better things to tell us." Ice got up and I followed. I couldn't bear to see zayn tie his own noose like this. "Officers," he calmly said. "What, did you suddenly remember something?" Ice was being so rude to the delicate boy I hated it. "Ice quit it, I murmured under my breath. He didn't even seem to notice. "Spit it out pretty boy" as I was about to really speak up, zayn continued, "sometimes when looking for an answer..." he took another drag from his now 3 cigarettes and continued. "One must look to the stars." I was shocked. Who knew he could be so profound. "Yeah yeah ok crack pot, save it for the judge," and then Ice walked out and I followed. "Ice, what the hell, they're just boys." I tried to suppress my rage. "Blart, chill out, I'm just trying to find the truth, man." I shook my head. "Whatever let's just get to the next one." I needed whichever boy was next to prove their innocence. It was crucial.