The Egotistical Adventures of Tim Measly

Prologue

Location: Unknown
Time: Unknown

The man stumbled through his office. He overturned his desk as the thunderstorm raged on outside. He fell to the ground on his knees, sifting through the papers that littered it. The voice of angry citizens boomed through his head as the pounding on his door grew ever louder, bringing with it the feeling of dread. He finally found what he was looking for, a small, rusty trapdoor. The dust caked on the surface hinted at the fact that this definitely wasn't normal circumstances. He had to get him out, that was the only thing that mattered. He pried the small door open as he slid down the ancient ladder, closing the hatch behind him. Before it closed fully, he could hear the door crack as it was pounded off it's hinges. He managed to close it all the way as he descended the ladder, barely hearing the stomps and shouts of some not-so-happy-go-lucky people above him. He reached the bottom and stepped off. The room was dark, and cobwebs occupied most of the corners of the room. He felt along the walls in an attempt to find the light switch. He managed to clasp his fingers around the small switch as he turned the lights on. A few dim, florescent lights flickered alive as it revealed a small laboratory containing a large test tube and some terminals, beakers, and other scientific mumbo-jumbo. He dragged himself to the terminal in front of the test tube and turned it on. His bloody fingers tapped away at the keyboard as he entered the password; Project8008135. He chuckled softly to himself as he heard the latch swing open with a loud screech. He began to panic as he punched in a few more keys, revealing the inside of the test tube. A baby boy floated in a green substance as he was slowly supplied oxygen and nutrients through a mask on his face. "It's not ready..." He mumbled. That was not good. It didn't matter, his only hope now was to initiate Protocol69. He laughed again, only this time he coughed up a bit of blood. He pressed a few more final keys as the pod closed once more. It slowly started to slide up the wall as a small opening formed above it. He did it. He could only hope that this would work. This, however, was the last of his problems as the not-so-happy-go-lucky people had reached him. The stepped off the ladder, one by one. There were two large men and a mousy woman. She had long, curled purple hair and a fairly pale complexion. She wore a solid white dress that fit tightly on her, displaying her features quite... nicely. She was breathing heavily as she almost growled her next words. "Did you really think you could escape, Tom? Did you honestly think that nobody would be angry, furious even?" Before Tom could answer, the woman snapped her fingers as the two large men made there way towards him slowly. The one on the left slid some quite bloody brass knuckles on to his big, meaty claws. The one on the right pulled out a nailed baseball bat which was also stained right with blood. It obviously wasn't there first rodeo, but it would be there last, Tom thought. The man on the left lunged at Tom with his right fist as Tom ducked under, time seemed to slow down as Tom jabbed at the man's chest five times. Time resumed as the man stumbled past Tom, falling to his knees. The man on the right swung his bat from the side as Tom stopped it with his arm, wrapping his arms around the bat and shattering it. The man's eyes grew fierce as he pulled away, having only the handle of the previously intact bat in his hand. Tom threw the nailed end of the bat behind him as it landed directly in front of the guy behind him. He picked up the bat and stepped towards Tom slowly. Meanwhile, the man in front of Tom lashed wildly with the sharp end of the handle where the bat had splintered off. Tom caught one of the man's wild swings and kicked his right leg in, breaking it. The man screamed in pain as Tom took the handle from the man's hand and shoved it into his throat. The man gurgled as he fell back, twitching slightly. Tom turned around as the guy had taken his fourth step towards him. "Take one more step, and I'll kill you without even touching you." Tom glared at the man as the man smiled. He raised his fist and took one more step towards Tom. Suddenly, his eyes grew wide as a small stream of blood trickled out of his mouth. His eyes popped out of his head as he shook violently on the ground, babbling like a child. Tom turned towards the woman and chuckled softly. "You really got to find some better henchmen, Mrs. R." The woman's eyes almost grew red in pure fury. She spoke almost as if she wasn't angry, but she obviously was. "You may be correct, Tom. However, you'll find that killing me with your silly tricks is going to be much harder." She drew a small dagger from her waist. A small jewel lied within the center of it's hilt. It glowed a furious purple. Tom took a step back, readying himself. He was interrupted by a sharp pain in his side. The adrenaline from the events that occurred prior to the fight had worn off. His wound was burning as he fell to his knees. The woman slowly strutted over to Tom. "Silly men like you should know when to keep their filthy hands out of the business of gods." She took the knife and slowly slit his throat. The pain was immense, but Tom was very much alive. He fell on his back as blood rushed from his throat. He should be dead, why isn't he dead, he thought. It was hard to think clearly, the pain muddled his thoughts. The pain was so bad, no human deserved this. "I would love to stay and watch you suffer, Tom, but I've places to be. I'll have to spend the rest of my life cleaning up your fucking mess." She turned with a flick of her hair and climbed the ladder. Tom lie there, clutching his throat. One last good thought crossed his mind before he could only focus on the pain. He was safe.

Shebaam, ladies and gentlemen. Nice Prologue, right? No? Eh, it don't matter. Hope you liked this, because there's plenty more where this came from.